


Second Chance

by BleedingCoffee



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: AU, Royai - Freeform, Royai 100
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-05-02 07:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5239820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedingCoffee/pseuds/BleedingCoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is truth? Is it memories? Is it an accepted reality? Is it what the world tells you to believe? Is it what you feel in your heart that cannot be denied?</p><p> A twist on the Amnesia trope, for RoyAi 100 Themes: #009 Unknown Past/Before we know each other</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own FMA
> 
> Summary: What is truth? Is it memories? Is it an accepted reality? Is it what the world tells you to believe? Is it what you feel in your heart that cannot be denied? A twist on the Amnesia trope, for RoyAi 100 Themes: #009 Unknown Past/Before we know each other
> 
> AN: For RoyAi 100 Themes #009. Unknown past/Before we know each other. A RoyAi AU

 

* * *

_Second Chance_

Chapter 1

**Regret**

* * *

She was numb already, the voices around her faded into the background as she looked up at the stars and felt everything slow down. There was no pain, only fear embracing her as her senses dulled and she became aware that she was moments away from death. Even the chill from the rain that was pouring down over her wasn't cold, it was making her aware of the loss of feeling in her extremities and washing away the blood so she could see her wound clearly.

Her last thoughts were about how she had yet to really live, how she wished she had another chance at life because she never really  _lived_. All she ever did was work. They'd bury her and all anyone would say was how dedicated she was to her work and  _nobody_  would visit her grave after the burial was over. Nobody would let her live on in their heart because Riza Hawkeye was an employee and nothing more.

There was supposed to be more time, there was supposed to be a lifetime to enjoy her success...instead her lifeline was being cut and she was going to die on the side of the road without ever having known the joys of life. Without ever valuing anything other than her job.

As her last breath left her she stared up at the stars and wished she had just lived a little before it was all gone.

* * *

" _RIZA!"_

The voice was full of panic and pain, a man's voice echoing from the open door in front of her. The room was so white it was almost blinding, the door the only thing distinguishable in the white void. It was imposing and made of stone, ancient words and symbols decorated it and as it cracked open there was a darkness inside that chilled her to her core.

" _RIZA!"_

The voice was coming from inside the door, a haunting cry of agony. Someone was calling for her, someone who cared deeply for her. Someone who was in that terrifying darkness that every fiber of her being told her to say away from.

" _Riza...don't leave me."_

It hurt her, even though she had no idea who that man was. Who just choked out those sobs of grief? How could someone she didn't know care so much for her?

" _I need you...come back."_

She was terrified of the darkness but the warmth she felt from those words was so much greater than the warmth and comfort of the white room. Still, she went to the door and felt it pull her into it's depths, because for the first time she felt like someone cared for her...cared that she was part of the world. She felt a flush of life that she was lacking from the daily monotony of her work schedule...and she wanted to feel more of it. So even though she had no idea who was calling her, she took a step into the unknown to find out.

What did she have to lose? She was already dead.

"Riza!"

She felt a jolt of electricity and opened her eyes. The rain was still pouring down and she gasped as air filled her lungs once more. She felt her heart pounding and her extremities tingling, she was alive.

"Thank God."

She was startled when the man beside her scooped her up into his arms. She assumed him to be the first responder who saved her life. She was certain she was dead and as she regained motor control and sensation she smiled as the rain soaked her  _and she felt it_. Who knew she'd ever be so happy to be wet? She was alive.

"Talk to me, are you OK?"

He was still holding her, this paramedic. Clearly a man dedicated to his work, though it was much more important than her own profession. She looked up at the man with the black hair clinging to his face and was surprised to see something more intense than relief or joy at a life saved. He was looking at her like he knew her. "Do I know you?"

Roy elation began to ebb. She was alive but those were hardly the first words he expected. Still, he was surprised his efforts to save her worked...so a little confusion was acceptable. "Do you remember the accident?"

"I remember the dog running in front of me, hitting the brakes and hydroplaning...hit the guardrail and went through the window." She tried to see around them, but the rain was too intense. She looked down at her torso and was surprised when her arm wasn't broken and there was no glass in her chest. She sat up.

"Easy." Roy cautioned. "I did my best with your injuries...but I'm not a medical expert. Dr. Knox helped, but we still need to get you somewhere he can look at you."

She ran her hand over her chest and looked around. Where was the ambulance? The headlights of a car were shining on them so they could see in the darkness, but something seemed off. Where were the street lights? Did she hit a pole when she crashed?

"Riza, we need to move you back to the car." Roy said and she looked at him with eyes clouded in confusion.

"I didn't tell you my name." She said and pushed him away as he tried to pull her close to pick her up. "Did you go through my car? Are you after my research?"

"Riza Hawkeye..."Roy assumed she was talking about her tattoo as that was the only research he thought she'd be protective of. "Nobody has compromised your research...it's just me and Knox. It's Ok."

"Who are  _you?_ " She demanded and he looked hurt.

"Roy...Colonel Mustang." He said and she looked him over. "We were leaving the safe-house when Envy and the Elrics crossed our path, you got out of the car to protect me and he attacked you. I thought...I lost you."

"You aren't making any sense, I wasn't with anyone in the car. Envy...was that your dog?" She said and looked up at a man who appeared to her left, blocking out one of the headlights. He was an older man and he had blood on his shirt and hands. Suddenly it seemed like she woke up in the middle of an abduction and her heart, which had stopped beating minutes ago, was suddenly back pounding in her chest. "Who the hell are you two?"

"Roy, we need to go." Knox said and watched the man try to scoop up his beloved Lieutenant. "Uh, kid...did you forget you have some injuries of your own?"

"I'm fine." Roy huffed and reached out to pick up Riza who was noticeably twitchy.

"You're hurt? I hit you?" She asked and saw the look of worry on his face. "What is going on?"

"Riza." Roy whispered as he leaned in close to pick her up. "You don't remember what happened in the tunnels?"

She stared at him, his pleading eyes all she could focus on. Despite the rain and darkness, she could still see the desperation in his eyes. This wasn't some human trafficker, this was a man who was terrified that he lost someone...not lost a victim. "No. How do you know me?"

"You really have no idea who I am?" Roy asked, his heart sinking in his chest.

"No."

"I'm your..." He paused as Knox turned away, pretending like he was looking into the night for the Elrics. "Colonel."

"I don't work for the military." She said.

"You do. You're Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. My assistant. My bodyguard. My..."

"Colonel!" Al hollered as he emerged from the trees. "Is the Lieutenant alright!?"

Ed scampered up and ran over to look at the pair sitting in the middle of the road. He saw the Lieutenant alive and bloody, but alive. "Thank God you're OK Lieutenant. I heard the Colonel screaming while we were in the woods and it sounded like maybe..."

"She needs a doctor and we need to get out of here." Roy said quickly and reached to pull Riza into his chest, gritting his teeth as he slowly rose to his feet with her cradled in his arms. Both boys put a hand out to steady him, clearly he looked as unstable as he felt. He held Riza tightly and took one shaky step after another until he could place her in the back seat of the car and make sure she was safe.

Riza wasn't sure if this was a dream or if this was hell. Nothing made sense, not even the fact that these people cared about her. This man clearly had feelings for her and she felt so cherished being in his arms as he ignored his own injuries to carry her to safety. She saw the raw determination and pain written on his face as he stared ahead of him and made his way to the car. These people knew her and they were scared that she died. The only problem was, that in her life there was nobody. Nobody who cared if she was missing, dead or alive. So, who were these strangers who valued her and where did they get the knight's armor and vintage car?


	2. Denial

**AN** : This is an AU afterall, an alternate to Ling and Ed being swallowed by Gluttony and the ripples that happen because of it.

* * *

_Second Chance_

Chapter 2

**Denial**

* * *

The secret to most interpersonal communication is to simply listen. The sad fact was that people have difficulty speaking the truth as it makes them vulnerable and sometimes they do not want to even admit the truth to themselves. Listening got Riza far in life, as she was able to read between the lines of dialogue and also utilize context clues when she wasn't sure what was going on. Right now, however, it wasn't shedding any light on what the hell was happening. Not when she was looking at a newspaper from 1915.

She continued to pretend she was reading the new in hopes of restoring her lost memory, but in reality she was listening in on the men in the next room. They were in the doctor's home, the man who had carried her to the car was arguing with him over checking into the hospital. Dr. Knox and Roy Mustang, two names that meant absolutely nothing to her, and the young man was Edward and the suit of armor was Alphonse. There was also a young girl in the next room, someone else who had been badly hurt. Everyone assured her that nobody was injured due to her car accident...mainly because she didn't have one.

There wasn't anything fake about the familiarity or worry on the faces of these people, they genuinely were concerned with her well being and her confusion. Knox said that the incident with 'Envy' could have caused head trauma but it was more likely an affect of 'whatever alchemy you conjured up back there, Roy'. Mustang had looked away and dismissed that comment, then grew irritated when Edward asked what he did. That was maybe ten minutes ago, but clearly the young man was not easily dismissed as Ed returned to the earlier conversation.

"Colonel, what's this on the Lieutenant's shirt?"

"It's blood, Fullmetal."

Riza looked up from the paper as she sat in bed and focused on the voices. That young man was distraught about leaving the scene of the incident, but had managed to cram into the car with his brother Al after declaring Envy took Gluttony home. She was starting to believe Knox when he diagnosed her with head trauma. In the packed car, she remained cradled in Roy's arms in the front seat as he tried to brush off the pain he was in. She looked at the Elric boys in the back seat as they sat with the other victim across their laps. She kept nodding off, unconsciousness beckoning her to let it ease her pain, exhaustion and questions, but she'd jolt awake as soon as she felt it getting too close. She was afraid she wouldn't wake up this time so she tried to keep her eyes open as long as possible. Unfortunately it felt so damned good to be held like she was a treasure that she finally couldn't fight off unconsciousness anymore.

She did wake up despite her fears and still  _nothing_  made sense, especially the reasoning behind coming to the doctor's home instead of taking everyone to the hospital. Limbs were missing. Memories were missing. She was having a hard time rationalizing anything. She was even doubting whether or not she was really alive because this didn't feel like the same world she had left.

"This is a washed out transmutation circle. What the hell did you do?"

"Medical alchemy. I don't have gloves for that."

Riza just couldn't make sense of that either. Alchemy. It kept coming up in conversation as if it was a daily topic of conversation instead of a an interesting footnote in a science book. She jumped as Roy entered the room and smiled as he looked at her. Always a glow about him when he looked at her and she couldn't help but enjoy the warmth of it. "Alchemy?"

Roy walked over and sat on the bed. In almost losing her, he was no longer strong enough to keep up their usual act. He looked at her again, just to make sure she was real. "I know, not my specialty but Knox helped me. I needed to stop the bleeding, you were going into shock."

"Did I die?" She asked and watched him freeze and his eyes betray him. "Is that what this is? Some sort of afterlife?"

"This is hardly heaven Riza. It's not hell either. It's just..."

"Not real." She said and he gave her a look that she couldn't quite figure out. She pushed the newspaper to him. "I was not alive in 1915. I'm not a Lieutenant and I don't know any of you. I'm work for a firearms company. I was on my way to deliver a presentation about our newest automatic rifle to the military. Along with ballistics data and my research on gunpowder. So, that being said, they will be looking for me when I don't show up."

"Ok. I guess that means we're going to the hospital." He mumbled and rubbed his eyes with his hand. Knox was probably right. Between the injuries and alchemy, her reality was completely distorted. If this was due to some brain injury than there would be swelling and that was more than Knox could treat in his house. Amputations for an army doctor were common place, he was only comfortable working with brains during autopsy. Riza needed medication to make sure that this didn't get worse. It was worth the risk to return to the hospital for her, he wasn't going to take any more chances with her life. "I don't want to put us in a military facility now that we know Bradley is one of them, but it's an acceptable risk. We need to have a specialist look at you."

"Thank you." She said and she could see his hand start to move for hers, but he thought better of it and smoothed out the sheets instead.

"Riza..."

"Mustang!" Ed burst into the room and held up the bloody shirt. "You think I won't recognize this?"

Riza watched the teenager point to her shirt, stained from the accident. She could see something that looked like a circle that was drawn in blood and not a ring of blood. Dr Knox had given her something to wear that was clean, from his wife's closet since apparently his wife left and never bothered to pack. She was eager to get out of her wet and bloody clothes and didn't investigate them before. However that was not the shirt she put on his morning. She was concentrating on Ed and almost didn't catch Roy sneaking his hand into his pants to pull out...gloves? Was he going to inspect her shirt with gloves now? After he practically smeared her blood all over him when he was carrying her earlier? She wasn't prepared for his hand to raise and for him to snap his fingers. A streak of flame shot forth and lit the shirt on fire, rendering her wide-eyed and speechless as the fabric burned up in Ed's metal hand.

* * *

After the incident in Knox's home, she decided it was best to interact with everyone as little as possible. She was scared and disoriented and it was making her feel sick. Ed and Al left the doctor's home after the shirt incident as they needed to go find a friend named Ling, Ed's disgust was written all over his face and Al made sure he expressed his concern for her safety in the voice of a scared child. That left Roy driving her to the hospital so he could check back in for an injury he had received earlier in the week and to make sure she got the medical attention she needed. She had little choice, and simply nodded and went along for the ride.

She really didn't have another option.

This man, Roy Mustang, was apparently protective of her and saved her life. She didn't know him, but she didn't know anyone, and her best option was to stay with him. She also decided it was best to observe than volunteer information and gather what knowledge she could of her situation that way. As they drove to the hospital she felt like she was going back through a historical village, and a creeping sense of uncertainty began to overtake her thoughts.

The cars were all older models, models she had never seen. The buildings and streets were out of a painting from the turn of the century, complete with gaslights. Phone booths and painted signs, no billboards or neon or cell towers. Butcher shops and bakeries, no super markets. Even a hardware store and apothecary. This was way too elaborate to be a hoax. This was not home either. So what was it?

So now she faced the conundrum of questioning herself and what she knew. Everything in front of her was fluid and she was the rock in the stream. The people she met, knew her and each other, and the city in front of her was very much real. So was Knox right? Was she really just confused, her brain struggling to make sense of something and ergo inventing some fantasy to come to terms with what happened?

She did die, after all. That, along with her name, was the only thing that everyone agreed on.

Riza tried to keep her eyes on the road, look out the window and take in everything that was around her, however she could feel him stealing glances in her direction. She could  _feel_  his concerned looks and finally let her eyes shift to him. The look on his face and in his eyes almost killed her again.

Whoever this man was, there was no doubt in her mind that he truly loved her. She felt a flutter in her heart and wished it was just that simple to accept that this was her life. However there was a staggeringly high probability that once she gave in to this reality, or the nagging need to close her eyes and rest, that it would disappear or she would lose herself completely. Despite telling herself to stay silent, despite telling herself to stay distant...she couldn't help but ask him one question. "We're more than co-workers, aren't we?"

"Yes." Roy said and ran his hand over the steering wheel. "We've been together a long time. We've known each other since we were teenagers...we've been through war together..."

"Are we together?" She asked as she tried to read his face. Was he hurt because she didn't remember and had to ask?

"We can't be because of fraternization laws. I'm your superior officer." It sounded so much better than the truth. The made excuses because work came first and they lied to themselves and said they'd eventually make time. The had a history that bonded them yet also repelled them. They loved each other but also loved stewing of the pain of denying themselves love.

"Why are you having such a hard time answering my question, sir?" She said and he reacted favorably to it. It was the tone she used at work when people weren't getting her the work or results she needed. She hated hearing excuses when she wanted answers. He looked over at her, he seemed relieved to have her bark an order at him.

"I have always loved you. Our jobs and goals have kept us from being able to do more than just settle for what time we can have together. I almost lost you Riza, you died and I realized that there wasn't any time left to make good on all those promises I made. We worked, we did our jobs so well that it earned us a lifetime of guilt and self-loathing and...as much as I hate myself, I love you. I want to give you everything, see you happy...and I don't think that's where my goals take us. I'm willing to give up my life, not yours. This is twice in one week you've made it clear to me that you don't value your life above mine and that is unacceptable. I'm not letting you slip away from me again, you're all I have."


	3. Resurrection

_Second Chance_

Chapter 3

**Resurrection**

* * *

Jean Havoc smiled as he enjoyed the cigarette that Roy had bummed off Madam Christmas for him. "Not my brand, but I'm not complaining. Thank Momma Mustang for me."

Roy finally pried his eyes from Riza's face as she slept in the bed beside him. He looked over at Havoc in the wheelchair next to the window and watched the blond blow a puff of smoke in the air before turning around to look at him.

"I'd like to lodge a complaint though about your shitty decisions to relocate this team. First time you cost me a girlfriend when we moved from East City." Jean said and then frowned as he pointed his lit cigarette at Hawkeye, still unconscious from whatever cocktail of sedatives they dosed her with. "This time, it almost cost you  _yours_."

"Havoc." Roy tried to sound stern but it came out in a hoarse whisper.

"Shit Roy, half the team is in this hospital now. Either get us a new office on the first floor of HQ so they can wheel in the gurneys and wheelchair, or just have them bring the desks here." Jean put his cigarette back in his mouth and rolled his chair over to the bed. "What the hell happened?"

Roy closed his eyes. "We captured one of them, the one they call Gluttony. He wanted to kill me for taking Lust from him...so he tried to eat us. Another homunculus was sent to retrieve him, saying he wasn't supposed to eat the 'human sacrifices'. Ed called it Envy, the one he drew for us after the laboratory incident. I couldn't fight, I was nothing but a burden to everyone. As we were driving away, Gluttony chased us and Envy tried to stop him. He cut him off and Riza got out of the car to protect me. She fired at Gluttony to keep him busy but Envy attacked her. The Elrics took my coat and ran through the woods to lure Gluttony away with the smell, we got out and found Riza in the road. Envy took the form of a giant dog and he must have bit or clawed at her before he threw her. Her lungs were punctured, she was drowning in her own blood and I couldn't do anything."

Jean looked over at Hawkeye who showed no signs of being ripped to shreds. He could feel it in his bones that this story had a awful twist to it, like the nursery rhymes Nana Havoc used to tell. Stories that kept them up at night as they tried to ignore the horrible story and find the lesson that was supposed to be buried in it somewhere. "You did...something."

"We were with Dr. Knox and he quickly explained what needed to be done to repair the damage. I can manipulate oxygen, but not when the lungs are already full of blood. I drew out transmutations in her blood to repair the damage. Then forced air into her lungs to get her to breathe, Knox tried CPR. It happened so quickly, but not fast enough. It started to rain and it was washing away my transmutation circles while I was trying to save...repair the damage..."

Havoc swallowed hard as the always confident and strong Colonel choked on his words. He was getting quieter as he retold the story, as if he didn't want to hear the ending when he got to it. Jean remembered watching this man sear his wounds shut after using glass shards to cut an array into his hand. Gritting his teeth and fighting through the pain and blood loss, this crazy bastard pull himself back from death and saved them all. Yet, less than a week later, was back in the hospital with another subordinate. He couldn't blame him for weakening, everyone knew what she meant to him. All the other losses he suffered were hit to the castle walls, he could rebuild and patch with new stones after the damage was done. Hawkeye wasn't a stone, she was the foundation. Without her, everything crumbled. "What did you do?"

"We brought her back, resuscitated her." Roy said and bit his lip to stop emotion from overriding his narrative. He yelled at her in this damned room for giving up because she thought he was dead and...

Jean raised an eyebrow as Mustang cleared his throat and regained his composure. "You...brought her back? Like..." Jean almost let the precious cigarette drop from his lips. He  _wouldn't_. He  _couldn't_. Roy wasn't missing limbs like Ed, there was no way to successfully do human transmutation anyhow. Roy was intact and Riza was alive, so what the hell actually happened?

"Her heart started beating again." Roy said and looked away. "However in the process we think

she might have hit her head, or the lack of oxygen cause her brain to be starved a bit or the alchemy I used to heal her did something else...we don't know. But she doesn't remember who she is and thinks she's from another place."

Jean leaned back in his chair and took a long drag on his cigarette. Wow. He could tell Mustang didn't even have the answers and that was bad. "Well when she wakes up I'll talk with her and see if we can't jar some memories."

Roy looked over at her again and couldn't help but ask himself what everyone else was asking. What did he do?

* * *

"Where is Roy?" Riza asked and fidgeted under the steady gaze of the cute blond in the wheelchair. She didn't want to lose track of the one person that seemed to really know her. Without him she was completely lost. "And why are they letting you smoke in this room?"

"Roy, huh?" Jean cocked his head and looked her over. Gone were the confident eyes of the Hawkeye who ruled over them all in the office, right now she was clearly flustered and edgy. He'd been with her on countless missions and nothing rattled her. "He's gone in for an exam. They won't let him burn his own wound shut again and he tore up the scar tissue pretty bad on your mission."

"And you are?" She looked at his honest face and wondered how many more people would be happy to see her in this world. The life she remembered was filled with people who thought she was a slave-driver. The only people who were happy to see her were board members when she was reporting on the latest project that could earn them a lucrative military contract.

"Lieutenant Jean Havoc, we work together." Jean sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Well  _worked_  together, I'm retiring. Our team hasn't been doing too well with the casualty count this week."

She watched him pat his legs and noticed he was in a wheelchair. "We both work for the Colonel?"

"Yeah. We're friends Riza, you and me. He's a friend too, but he's more of a dick." Jean watched her eyes scan his face and he gave her a smile. "Damn, you really don't remember anything do you?"

"No."

"So what is the last thing you do remember?" He asked. "So I know where to start on filling you in on...well, you."

"Just waking up." She said and looked to the door as she caught people passing by in her peripherals. She determined it was best to just pretend she knew absolutely nothing and say that what she had told Roy about her life was just confusion. She could let them think that whatever drugs they gave her worked and she just was making things up before as a way to cope with what happened. Each time she opened her eyes, this reality was in front of her...so it was best to figure out what part she played here.

"So you're hiding something too." He said and she flashed him a surprised look. Not one of annoyance, one that betrayed her surprise that wasn't prepared for him to be able to read her that well. "He's hiding something, but that's between you two. Always has been. You two have a lot of secrets and it goes beyond just what you kids do after hours. Whatever it is, binds you but also cuts you two pretty deep. Eh, like I said, that's between you two."

"We work together?" She asked trying to restart the conversation. The fact that she was in a relationship with her boss irritated her sense of professionalism, everyone knowing about it grated on her pride. That's what normal people did, they compromised for happiness. That's why  _this_  Riza was able to have a man who loved her enough to jeopardize his career and health.

"Yeah." He saw her look to the door again as a nurse passed with a cart. She wasn't interested in finding about about what he thought about her, she wanted to know if she could trust Mustang. "But I don't really matter right now. If you don't remember anything then really everything else is just going to be something we fill in later. What you need right now is Mustang and that's probably going to be the best medicine for him too."

"Does everyone know about him and me? Are we really that bad at keeping things secret?" She asked and he gave her this sweet smile that said he was genuinely happy for her. Perhaps this version of her didn't compromise so easily, perhaps she just realized a little earlier that somethings in life were more important than a job you could very well lose tomorrow. Whatever the reason or rationale behind it, the fact was that she was very much part of Roy Mustang's life, and he hers.

"No, you're both great at it. You are extremely professional, keep normal private lives and brush off all the rumors. Really anyone who doesn't work with you guys wouldn't see how genuine you are. I work with you two though, long damned hours and lots of undercover work. I see how he looks at you and how you watch him like a hawk. How he does little things to piss you off in the office just because he wasn't the object of your attention for ten minutes. Says things to Ed that get your dander up and make you protective of the little runt. Plus, he talks in his sleep when he's in the hospital bed next to me. We all know what you mean to him and we are all glad you've got each other."

"We. Who is  _we_?"

"The team. Mustang's staff. You'll meet all of them eventually, I'm sure. I'll let them introduce themselves so maybe that will jar your memory in some way." Jean leaned back and smiled. "We all support that man and the truth is that if he loses you...we lose him. Everything we have done, everything we have lost will be for nothing if he loses you."

She knew he was talking about his legs as he absentmindedly rubbed them with his palms after crushing out his cigarette. "Yet you support this man who has such an obvious weakness?"

"Love isn't a weakness, it's what makes you human. We wouldn't be following him if he wasn't the fool he is, because some heartless ambitious bastard wouldn't care about people. That's what he's aiming for the top and why he's the man to do it. He is compassionate and loyal and  _you_  keep him grounded. You have to be more careful Hawkeye. You never think before putting yourself in the line of fire to protect him and it finally caught up with you. We all care about you Riza, this isn't just about Mustang but I know he means a lot to you."

She watched him look for another cigarette only to come up empty. He sighed and continued.

"Riz, that man cares for all of us and he'll never forget sacrifices that were made. Mustang's a commander you're proud to serve under and die for it it comes to it. He doesn't shoulder that lightly either, but you're not just one of his men. I watched him mutilate his hand, burn himself using alchemy to stop the bleeding and drag himself back from the brink of death to go save  _you_. Yeah, he wanted to save me too, but I doubt it was going to be enough to make him fight death to get back on his feet and destroy that monster that did this to me. Lust...said she was going after you and that son of a bitch fought off everything in his way to get to you. I watched him. I watched him do the unthinkable and walk out of that damned room to fry that bitch because she was gunning for you. So...exactly how far did he go to save your life this time?"

Riza was digesting that when he asked the question. She wasn't sure what everyone was referring to when they referenced alchemy, what that blond boy was upset about or why Jean was looking at her with such sad eyes when he asked. "I don't know what you're asking."

"You should go home with him." Jean said as he heard Mustang's voice in the hall bitching to some doctor. "You two have been together since you were kids. You served in the war together. You dedicated your life to being by his side and you've saved his many times. He knows you and if anything is going to make you remember your life, it's that intense relationship you have with him. Plus, maybe without the past holding you back you might just let yourself be happy."

"He's my commanding officer." She said and Jean shrugged.

"You don't remember any of that. Maybe if you're not always watching his back...he can stop looking behind him and start looking ahead. He can still achieve everything with you next to him." Jean glanced at the door as Mustang told a doctor outside he was an idiot. "We need you, you really keep this team together and you are so damned important to his goals...but you're my friend and I want you to have this happy ending. There was so much sadness and pain and you might not be so bad off not remembering that. I told you time and time again that you should quit using your guilt as an excuse for not living your life. This wasn't what I was intending to talk with you about but...honestly we've been through some bad shit and you've seen worse than me."

Riza looked up as Roy returned and slammed the door in someone's face. She wasn't making much headway in the quest to understand who she was, what she was doing here or how she got here. All she knew was that right now, she was happy to see  _him_. Jean seemed nice but clearly had a agenda that involved getting her out of the office and into Mustang's bed, but she could see he meant well. Whatever tension there was between her and her boss was clearly visible to the people close to them and they were eager for them to act on it.


	4. Memories

_Second Chance_

Chapter 4

**Memories**

* * *

"So what do your men think about this arrangement?" Riza asked as she looked around his apartment and let the reality sink in that there was nothing modern here. It looked like her great grandmother's house. The radio was sitting on a mantle on the fireplace, a place of honor for the one piece of entertainment they had. It was 1915, after all.

Roy went over to his bookshelf and had to admit he was surprised Breda wasn't crying tears of joy when he dropped them off a few minutes earlier. He wanted to be disappointed in himself for how transparent he was being, but he was too shaken from the weeks events to care. Anyone who took issue with how he was treating his Lieutenant would suffer his wrath as he was too worn down to play the games anymore. He'd come to his senses later, for now he was just going to enjoy being human. "They're...worried about you."

She noticed his pause and cocked her head. "Jean says your entire staff is wise to the fact that we're together."

Roy sighed and pulled the book from the shelf. "We are careful, Riza."

"I'm staying in your home, Roy." She said and he turned to look at her.

"I would do this for any of my men." He reassured her and walked to the couch and sat down. "I'm not denying that I love you or that they know or even that you have clothes in my closet and a bed for your dog in the corner...I'm simply saying that I can talk my way out of anything. People are also, with good reason, scared of me. I'll deal with the issues as they arise, as always."

She raised her eyebrows. "I have a dog?"

He appreciated the excited tone to her voice and gave her a smile. "Yeah. Black Hayate. Fuery is going to drop him off later tonight with some of your clothes."

She saw him open up the book and flip through a few pages to find a picture. He raised it up for her to see and she took it from him. The photo was clearly cut out of a larger one to showcase her and Mustang and the most adorable little pup in her arms. The puppy was nuzzling her and she looked happy, Mustang stood next to her glowing as if she was holding a baby and not a dog. "If nobody knows about us, why do you have a picture like this?"

"My best friend, Maes, took a lot of pictures and made sure he got the two of us together in most of them. At first glance, he was an obsessive photographer...but he slipped a lot of these cropped photos in my pocket or in the mail afterwards."

She sat down on the couch beside him. They looked like a family. This was what real people did, people who embraced life instead of denying themselves the companionship of others or animals. She always made excuses, she worked too much to date or have a dog. She ran her fingers over the photo, the photo paper was glossy and the photo in color. Once again she had to destroy the fantasy if she could. "It's 1915 and you have a radio in your home and color photography."

He nodded cautiously. Her tone indicated the statement of these facts was a problem. "Yes?"

"Were they invested by Marconi and Eastman?"

"No." Roy said and looked up at the radio on his mantle as he tried to recall any people they may have met with those names. "The military."

She nodded. This was clearly her in this photo, but it's not like it was difficult to edit a photograph anymore. The only problem with that theory is she couldn't recall ever looking this happy in public. Even when her father complimented her research or work ethic, she didn't crack a smile. Hawkeyes did not celebrate achievements, excelling was expected and emotion a waste of energy. "You have more?"

He pulled out another picture and handed it to her. "This one is us as kids. We went to a carnival and they had this guy taking pictures of kids on this pony of his. You wanted to take a picture on your plow horse so you could remember him. I wanted to take a picture of you so I could remember you."

She took the older black and white picture and looked at the bent edges and scratches. She flipped it over and saw the date, 1900, then flipped it back over to study it. There was a little girl sitting on a draft horse bareback, perfect posture and looking like she was on a prize warhorse instead of an aged Belgian. Beside her horse was a lanky young man in his starched collar and vest probably wishing he was beside a girl and not a horse. The girl in this picture clearly cared very much for her horse even if he wasn't the expensive thoroughbreds she used to ride at her age. That animal probably never won a ribbon or trophy but she treasured him. How many horses did she have, her father always buying her the horse that would win and then just as quickly selling it to find the next winner? The were tools to get the job done, not companions. Riding was less about a passion at that age and more about the competition. "So we grew up together?"

"I went to live with you for a few years while I learned alchemy from your father." Roy said and she gave him the picture back.

"Alchemy." She said and tried to ground herself in the science instead of allowing emotion to take over her thoughts. She needed answers. "Explain to me alchemy or better yet, do you have a book I could read?"

Roy blinked as she turned to look at him for an answer. "You want to...read about alchemy?"

"Why are you saying that like I just asked to look at porn with you?" She said.

"Well...it's sort of is the same thing."

She locked eyes with him for a moment as they exchanged a look of understanding. There was an excitement and satisfaction from a scientific discovery that aroused her more than anyone could in bed. Sex to her had always been something she did to relieve a momentary need and most of the time it annoyed her that the whole process took so long. Her time was valuable and she found it easier to just take care of her needs herself instead of dealing with annoyances of dating or foreplay. An orgasm would give her a few seconds of joy where as a scientific find would give her a high for weeks. She saw he understood this, that thirst for knowledge and discovery...so exactly what kind of romance did she have with this man? That was a stupid question, this other version of her wasn't a frigid drone. "So I don't have an interest in alchemy or science then?"

"You used to, but after the war..." He wasn't sure if he wanted to continue. This was Riza, it was not as if he was betraying her by telling her these things. Still, they never talked about this and he didn't feel this was the right time to start. "You saw alchemy at it's worst. You saw it consume your father and any promise you saw in me to be better...I let you down."

"I'd still like to read about it." She said and he looked up at her and saw excitement in his eyes. "It would be nice to read for a while and not constantly search my brain for this past I have lost."

He cleared his throat and closed the book. "Riza, whatever you need. I'm here for you. I don't want to push you or push anything on you. I just...don't really know how to handle you being so suspicious of me."

"We've been together a long time." She said and his eyes lit up. He was sincere and he was so desperate to have her return to the Riza he loved. She was a lucky woman, wherever she was. "I'm sorry that I don't remember any of this, but I'm trying. I'm here, aren't I? If I didn't trust you in some respect, I wouldn't agree to come home with you."

He chuckled and stood. "Riza, you might not know who you are or remember anything, but we both know you can kick my ass."

* * *

Alchemy, it would seem, was very much still alive and flourishing. The science behind it was still chemistry and physics, but there was this almost god-like ability alchemists had to harness the energy and manipulate it that had Riza completely excited. After an hour of breezing through the first few chapters of Roy's beginner alchemy book while he cleaned his bedroom and took a shower, she was ready to pick his brain and learn more about his ability. When she told him this, he didn't even try to hide his excitement, but managed to point out she wanted to shower first.

Roy watched her reluctantly put the book down and stand up. "Since Fuery is stopping by later with clothes and Hayate, I thought it would be best to use some of my clothes to change into. I know I've said that the team is wise to our relationship, but we don't flaunt it. I don't know who is going to be showing up with him, the investigations department has been rather silent so far and I imagine Archer is just going to show up for a surprise visit to try and bust me on fraternization. So, it is probably best that you borrow something from me instead of just changing into what you have here."

"Very wise, Colonel." She said and he gave her a smile, clearly a man who took compliments well. Or maybe just a man who took any attention from her well. She walked into his bedroom and saw his pile of extra sheets and a pillow set aside for his stay on his couch while she was here. There was also a tee shirt and some pants folded on the bed. She inspected it and saw a crest and words embroidered on both,  _Amestris Military Academy_.

"It's really all I have that will come close to fitting you."

She held up his tee shirt and the lounge pants and looked over at him. "You were a lanky cadet."

"I prefer  _lean_." He said with a grin and picked up his extra sheets and noticed her checking out the room. "Those should work for something to sleep in, right?"

"So I sleep here, but I don't have anything to sleep in?" Riza asked as she sat on Mustang's bed and check it for comfort. If there was any question about the year, this awful mattress confirmed it to be 1915. "Are we really that horny?"

Roy glanced to the nightstand where he knew there was a rather racy piece of lingerie stashed but knew this wasn't the time to bring up that memory. Instead he said, "You just always liked sleeping in my clothes and I can't say no when I think you wear them well."

Riza could see how hard it was for him to have to explain everything to her. She wanted to make a simple joke to just make it less awkward, but it was written all over his face that it hurt him that she wasn't at home here. She was clearly such a big part of her life and she stood here two feet from him telling him that he wasn't a part of hers. "Technically I am sleeping in something of yours tonight." She said and picked up the pile of clothes and they both watched a pair of panties fall to the floor. She was glad he wasn't lending her his boxers and she was smart enough to keep essentials here.

He cleared his throat and said, "If you need anything just let me know. I'm going to go start dinner."

She watched him leave with his pile of bedding and sighed. He insisted on giving up his bed, even if she suspected the couch would be more comfortable, and there was no arguing with him. Now he was setting out clothes for her and making dinner while she got cleaned up. The woman he loved was very lucky and she wished that she _was_ her. For both their sakes, but she couldn't just ignore what she knew.

So she went to the bathroom and closed the door. It was small so she had to set her clothes on the toilet to get ready for a shower. It was a long way from the bathroom she was used to, with an adjustable shower head and a bathtub she could soak in without having to sit in cooling water while half her body remained out of it. However, she wasn't going to complain because at least it was indoor plumbing. So her hand reached out to start the water and find her chosen temperature before she undressed and climbed in.

The shower was a much needed break from everything that had been going on. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it as everything from the past day washed off her. She looked over her chest for anything resembling a wound and found nothing, so before she could start questioning her memories of the accident again, she shut off the water and pushed back the shower curtain. There was a handsome man outside making her dinner and she wanted to leave all her lingering questions until later when her head hit the pillow. Right now food and an after dinner discussion about alchemy sounded great. Until she realized she didn't know where the towels were and started to look around...and caught the glimpse of something in the mirror.

When she stopped to look she thought it was just a wound from the accident she missed, but closer inspection showed it was anything but a bruise or abrasion. She had to crane her neck to see what this  _thing_  was on her back and her heart started to pound as she realized this was no wound. This was a circle, an alchemy circle, and it was a tattoo inked into her skin. She ran her hand over an old burn would on her shoulder and gasped as her eyes locked on to familiar shapes from his gloves...a lizard and the triangles in the inner circle of it all. She covered her mouth with her hand to muffle of sob of disbelief, there was no mistaking the evidence. This body, her body, was burnt and branded and there was one person who knew why.


	5. History

_Second Chance_

Chapter 5

**History**

* * *

Roy just finished stir-frying Riza's favorite meal and putting it onto plates for dinner. He looked up as she stood in front to him in a towel with a look of disgust and hurt on her face. For a minute, he thought that she had regained her memories and that she knew exactly what he did...

"What the hell is this  _on my back_." Riza cursed her voice for trembling, she had never had a problem delivering speeches and never once showed weakness when arguing with her father. She saw his face , his reaction that he didn't even try to hide. It was shame. " _You_  did this."

"Yes." He said let his eyes drift away from hers.

She wanted to walk up and hit him but somehow the words from his mouth and the sound of them just didn't seem connected. His shoulders slumped and he broke eye contact for the first time since she opened her eyes and saw him. Something wasn't right. This was a confession of guilt, but there was something else a simple confirmation or denial was hiding. "Explain."

He should have explained before she got in the shower. He wasn't thinking. She was relaxed and eager for information and he just ignored that that damned tattoo would always be between them. Even if she didn't remember, the evidence of their past could never be ignored. "Riza..."

" _This_  mark is the same as your gloves." She said and stepped forward to make him react to her closing in on him, but all it did was make her uneasy. He was ready to take whatever punishment she deemed fitting for this act, even if it was stabbing him with the knife on the counter. The person who did this to her, this kind of lack of regard for another human begin, came from a person who was without guilt. "Roy, what is this? This is alchemy...this is  _your_  alchemy."

"Yes." He said and finally looked at her again. "It's Flame Alchemy, the theory and the practice."

She had to focus and digest that. The tattoo was intricate and not the simplified circle on his gloves, so that meant it was probably the research and original work. He was giving the minimum response needed, and that made her wonder how much he wanted her to blame him for this. That wasn't how she worked. She wanted the evidence and would arrive at her own conclusions. "Give me an explanation now, Roy."

This wasn't something they ever talked about, she never wanted to. From that day she revealed her back to him after Master Hawkeye's funeral to the day she told him to destroy it, they never talked about it. Tears, curses and nightmares was all she ever allowed, talking made it more painful because in discussion they would eventually happen upon the answer to 'why'. "I was your father's apprentice and when I left his home...he didn't feel I was ready to be the next Flame Alchemist. When I enrolled in the academy, that solidified that for him. He was dying and too proud to take his research with him when he left this world...but too cowardly to choose a successor knowing the damage that could be done with it. So he left it to you..."

She swallowed hard. That was her father, a master of delegation and plausible deniability.

"He did that to you because  _I_  left. Had I stayed, had I just proven myself worthy of it when I was there he would have never touched you. I let you down, I left and when I came back...the damage was already done." Roy finally spoke the words he wanted to for ages, but Riza would always place her finger to his lips to stop them from being voiced. The guilt ate at him, even if she just wanted to dismiss it because she didn't blame him for any of it. In her mind, she let it happen and part of him knew that she needed that control over that situation more than anything. Even though her father let her down, even though he was there and should have saved her...she needed to know that she wasn't that weak. Riza Hawkeye chose her own fate, because her controlling bastard of a father never let her choose anything. So, in her mind, she needed to feel she wasn't coerced or manipulated and in no way did she need to be saved. She didn't transfer blame. That wasn't how she coped. Now, however, she wanted answers and he wasn't able to tell her how she felt about the situation, just how he did.

"You can't blame yourself for what my father did to me." She said and for the first time she felt like she wasn't a stranger to the conversation. Berthold Hawkeye was never father of the year.

"He left you with the burden of his research and you gave it to me." Roy said and took a deep breath. "I let you down. I told you I would use it for good and instead I destroyed a country with it and when the war was over...you told me to destroy the research so there would never be another flame alchemist. "

Her eyes grew wide. She did what?

"So I burned you with the knowledge you gave me." He whispered and closed his eyes. "To destroy those secrets and make sure nobody ever had this power again."

"I'm going to get dressed." She pulled the towel around herself a little tighter as he finally opened his eyes again and looked at her, this time he looked terrified she was planning to turn her back on him. His eyes told her welcomed the punishment but also was terrified of her leaving. She didn't understand how she could read him so well, he was still a stranger to her, but every look spoke volumes . So she added, "Then we're going to have dinner and you're going to tell me about this damned war."

Riza walked into the bathroom and closed the door to get dressed. She looked at her back again in the mirror and reached around to touch it with her fingers. It was a tattoo, not an etching. The rough skin where she was burned showed more trauma, but she knew that this tattoo had to be much worse. It wasn't the pain, it was the confusion and betrayal. This burn must have been a relief, to know that she didn't have to worry about someone finding this information on her in the event of say...an accident.

The evidence that this reality was not the one she remembered was mounding up in front of her eyes. She could not deny this elaborate design on her back or the evidence of a burn wound on her shoulder. She couldn't even deny that she would have let her father convince her of the importance of this research and put the burden on her instead of shouldering it himself. She knew he thought of her as his legacy, more than a child, and that the continuation of his achievements and name beyond his death would be more important than allowing her the individuality of her own existence. This should have surprised her, but it only made her realize that the parallels between this life and the one in her head were too real. The details might have been different, but some facts had a resonating truth to them that could not be denied.

The one difference was that she had someone that she trusted enough to share this life with and that made her feel wanted. It was about time that she determined if she wanted to be a part of this life or not.

* * *

"This is delicious." Riza said as she took the first bite of the dinner he had made and she looked across the table to see his soft smile.

"It's your favorite." Roy informed her and watched her take another bite. He couldn't comprehend why she was still sitting here if she didn't remember him at all. He couldn't imagine what she was going through right now, even though he was try so desperately to do so. She didn't remember him or her life, yet she was still here with him even after seeing that damned tattoo on her back and hearing his admission.

She noticed he wasn't eating and the meal remained untouched on the plate in front of him. He probably lost his appetite, she did remind him of some terrible times and also demanded he talk about the war. She knew better, she knew better than to ask a soldier about his service like that. "Are you comfortable talking about all this?"

He knew she wasn't referring to the food. "You need to know."

"Roy, there is no harm in leaving questions unanswered." She said and he folded his hands to rest his chin on them. "There is, however, harm that can come from answering questions before you're ready to talk about them."

"Riza," He said so softly he wasn't sure she even heard it. "Ishval and your father are two heavy topics that have never been on the table for discussion. They haunt us and I know that I worry about confronting those ghosts...that if I really let myself dissect it that I'm going to be swallowed up by it. We just work around it and it lurks in the corners of the room and our minds...but we do our best to work with it."

"That's not healthy." She said and he gave her this sad smile that made her want to reach over and grasp his hand.

"You don't need to be healthy to survive." He said and looked down at his meal. "We have that down to an art."

"Then forget about what I said. I don't want to reopen old wounds by talking about the war. I'll just read up on it and find out myself."

"Riza, the history books don't record what actually happened." Roy sat back and pushed his plate away. "None of these damned books tell you what really happens. Not the war records, not the alchemy books...not the newspapers or picture albums. They're all just a carefully constructed facade to hide the ugly truth underneath."

"Then tell me about my father." She said and his face looked pained again. "Roy, whatever he did was his own actions, not yours."

"I went to him to be the next Flame Alchemist." He said and shook his head. "It was an unspoken part of the contract: I would learn from him, I would excel at my studies and in turn I would prove to him that I was worthy to carry on his research. Instead I learned and when the time came for me to chose a course in my life...I chose the one that was easiest. I picked going to the academy because it would be the easiest way to start a life. I could put off adulthood for a few more years, I would automatically have a job and training when it was over with and I honestly thought I wouldn't have to make decisions. It was the military, there would always be someone there to tell me what to do. Alchemists, don't exactly have an easy life. Perhaps equivalent exchange for what we're able to do."

She saw his fist ball up and for the first time she saw the cuts on the back of his hand and recognized the transmutation circle. Before it had been wrapped and when it wasn't, all she saw was scratches and scabs. Now she saw the circle as if it was a beacon and what Havoc said came back to her. He carved that in his hand to save her, he crawled back from death to save  _her_.

"Well I was a naive fool. The military told me what to do and I still had decisions to make. I just followed orders anyway." He shook it off and leaned forward again. "Your father was a hard man to work with, he was impossible to please and I felt he was completely unreasonable. However, now I see that he was right about flame alchemy and I hate him more because of it. Not because I got more than I bargained for, not because I didn't understand the power I was being given...I hate him because he was a damned coward who couldn't make the decisions himself. He should have destroyed this research, but he loved it more than life itself. Even your life. He needed to see his life's work live on because if it didn't, he would have to die knowing he spent his life creating something detrimental to humanity."

Riza swallowed hard. He could have been talking about her. Sure her father could be obsessive about business, but it was only business. She was the one pushing for more destructive power, trying to create more horrifying weapons and projectiles than anyone really needed. It was the intoxication of the power and if she was really in 1915...then everything she spent her life doing was gone. She had nothing to show for it, except a legacy of death somewhere else.

Roy remained focused on his plate and pushed utensils around to help him use some of his frustrated energy on something. "So he passed on the burden to you because he made you just like he made this horrifying alchemy. In his mind, you were both his creation and his children. He nurtured you, he molded you and you were his legacy. I hate myself for never seeing it, for leaving you with him after I left. I hate that I never saw what your life was until you showed that tattoo to me after we buried you father. After I paid for his funeral because I still respected him as a teacher and I should have gone back and dug him up because he didn't deserve a proper burial."

She looked up as he swattered a salt shaker off the table with his hand, anger getting the better of him. How could he know? He was just a kid himself. He couldn't blame himself for what an adult did.

"We left so many bodies in Ishval, so many good soldiers and innocent civilians...so many people who didn't get a proper burial. Families massacred, an entire race obliterated and not a damned one got a proper burial. I burned them with this legacy of his, then I incinerated their corpses with it. Ashes scattered to the wind, erasing bodies and our fucking sins with these flames from hell..."

She watched that injured hand run through his hair and him tug at his own scalp as if he wanted to tear the memories out. So that was the war. This was the burden they carried because her father had left her with this research. Was it really that different than what she knew? 1915 and 2015 were not that different in that regard.

"Riza, he inked this research into your back. Seeing that...hearing you tell me that he did it and told you that it was now up to you to 'choose the next flame alchemist'..." He looked up at her, her brown eyes still so soothing despite the worry in them. "Broke my heart."

"Roy, he did that..."

"He didn't force me to decode it. He didn't make me take the state alchemy exam. He didn't stand there and incinerate people. I did." His rage began to ebb and the waves of sorrow replaced it. "The only thing that I was thankful for was that you didn't have to see what I was doing. The one thing I could genuinely say I was thankful for was that you didn't know how I betrayed your trust and that your eyes would never have to see the hell that I created with this legacy of Flame Alchemy. I pictured you reading the newspaper, seeing the headlines about the Flame Alchemist and finally being proud of that title. I didn't care that it was lies, I wanted you to finally have that dream come true where everything you had endured was finally worth it. Instead...my heart broke again when I saw your face again in that desert. I saw in your eyes that you had already seen the truth as you stood in front of me again."

She saw his eyes get watery and he quickly rubbed them with his scarred hand.

"You joined the military because you had someone to protect." He put his hand down and looked across the table at her. " _Me._  You went to the academy and excelled in sniper training. You were sent to Ishval because you had the highest scores ever of any cadet in marksmanship. You joined the military to protect me, because you believed in me and my naive goals to save people. Had I not vowed to get you out of there alive and make it up to you...I would have ended it all that night. When the war ended, you asked me to destroy that research. That's where the burn came from...because there could never be another Flame Alchemist."

She heard him sniffle as he stood to wipe his eyes and compose himself. She stood and walked over to him, putting a hand on his arm and squeezing as he looked at her with eyes that betrayed how deep those words had burned him. "Like you said, it was my choice."

"No..."

"It was my choice. Maybe my childhood was out of my control, but everything from then on...I made those choices. You didn't force me to give you this research, you didn't make me go to the academy. You didn't pull the trigger for me. I made those choices. I also made the choice to destroy something that destroyed us." She didn't exactly agree with having him be the one to do so, but she could see where this was probably the only man in the world she trusted. She also had no idea how they could never have talked about this. She reached for his hand and rubbed over the back of his hand with her thumb, making sure to not touch any part that had been cut. "You...also saved me with this alchemy too. Don't forget that. Never forget that."


	6. Comfort

 

_Second Chance_

Chapter 6

**Comfort**

* * *

_You...also saved me with this alchemy too. Don't forget that. Never forget that._ Her words hit him hard and it took him a moment to realize she was talking about the battle with Lust and not condoning his most recent actions. Roy squeezed her hand and wondered if she would feel that way when she found out how he had saved her this time. He pushed aside that thought and just enjoyed the moment, her touch was all he needed to lock the door on those memories and return to the present. "Fuery will be here soon, I should...clean up."

She didn't want to give his hand back yet, even if he wanted to go make sure his emotions were under control before guests arrived. He had such nice hands and they were capable of so much. She really wanted to know this man. "I'll clean up the plates and kitchen."

He wished he could just touch and hold her like he normally did, but the last thing he wanted to do was scare her off. As always, he wondered why she remained by his side. "Thanks, I'll be right out to help."

She watched him reluctantly take his hand from her and go to his bedroom to ensure he was presentable when this guy arrived with her dog. "So, who is Fuery?"

Roy went into the bathroom and looked at his eyes. "Fuery is our tech and your personal dog babysitter. I still haven't figured out if he wants us to get married and adopt him, lives vicariously through the dog or is in love with both of us separately. Mostly harmless though."

Honest, handsome and a sense of humor, no wonder she had to go to another world to find him. Riza smiled as she picked up the plates off the table. As she held up the plate she realized that these were relics, not some store bought set of dinnerware. They were probably passed down from someone in his family as they did have chips, but they were delicate and hand painted. Probably something she would only see in an antique store or at a museum exhibit, but here she was holding this in her hand and it was real. So what were her memories?

She looked at the uneaten dinner on the table and sighed. This would have been an amazing dinner, probably the first she had in a very long time that was a real meal with a genuinely interesting and honest individual. He poured his soul out instead and now it was going to waste. Why couldn't she just ask about alchemy? Why...did she want to go in the bedroom and hug him and just hold him tonight? Never in her life, at least the one she remembered, did she encounter anyone she wanted to do that with.

So she set the plates down and walked over to the kitchen to try to collect her thoughts. Science was about what could be proven, not just speculation. Right now there was nothing but memories of a life in the future where she was alone and a slave to her work. She had no one that cared about her, not even her father who was probably more miffed by her not showing up for the meeting than the probability that she was dead. Here she was clearly cherished and everyone who she met was distraught over her brush with death and loss of memories. She had a dog, friends and Roy. Granted it seemed this life was not so painless either, but it seemed more full. It seemed like a life lived instead of a life lost.

The evidence was in front of her that she was very much a part of this world that she knew nothing about. It was ludicrous to think that she was thrown back in time or to another world, that was impossible. Logically, what she was looking at was her life and whatever her memories were of...was a fabrication. Why was it so real though? Why did she have no knowledge of this world but knew everything about ballistics, gunpowder and the latest firearms? "Will you still talk with me about alchemy tonight?"

Roy dropped his comb in the sink and fumbled to grab it. "Uh...yeah."

"Can we maybe give dinner a second chance too?" She asked and heard the clank of whatever fell the first time, fall again.

"Yeah...that would be great. Just throw it in the pan and I'll reheat it after Fuery leaves."

She could hear a hitch to his voice, the twinge of excitement and shock trying to strangle his vocal cords so he couldn't respond. For some reason she felt like she could lay on the couch, wrapped in a blanket talking about books for days beside him. It was stupid, she didn't know him at all and she knew herself. She would never do that, it would maker her vulnerable and she didn't have that kind of time to spare...but she couldn't deny that it sounded so good. So maybe she was the real stranger here because she had never been so conflicted in her life.

A knock on the door distracted her before she could put dinner back in the pan. "Should I get that?"

"Go ahead." Roy called out to her and smirked. "The one looking at you with puppy dog eyes and glasses is Fuery. The other one is your dog."

She smiled and went to the door and opened it. There in front of her was a young man with the happiest glow on his face and an adorable Shiba Inu in his arms. She backed up a few steps and said, "Please, come in."

Fuery walked in and set Hayate down on the floor, before standing and closing the door behind him. He turned and smiled at Hawkeye, happy to see her alive and well. He wasn't able to get to the hospital to visit and had to rely on Breda to fill him in on details. "How are you, Lieutenant?"

Riza bent down and the dog's tail thumped lightly on the floor as he realized he was going to be the focus of her attention and she reached out to pet him. She smiled when he sat up and put his paws on her shoulder and nuzzled her. She hugged the affectionate ball of black and white fluff and kept petting him. She always wanted a dog. She felt eyes on her so she looked up to see the two men in the room just staring at her and she wondered if this was out of character behavior for her.

However Fuery's eyes sparkled as he saw her loving on the dog and Roy's face was just glowing with affection for her as he smiled. She didn't even hear Roy come out of the bedroom. She looked up at Fuery who was awaiting an answer, "I still don't remember anything. I'm alive though."

Fuery snapped a salute when he saw Mustang walk into view. "Sir!"

"At ease." Roy waved off the salute and put his hands in his pockets. "Thanks for bringing him over."

"Well," Fuery said and watched Riza stand up and Hayate sit down obediently beside her. He smiled. "It's always a pleasure to take care of him."

"Any word on Fullmetal?" Roy asked.

"He hasn't reported in yet." Fuery said and gave a shrug. "You know Ed, he probably won't bother filling us in until he absolutely has to."

Riza looked over at Roy who had that worried look on his face again, like that night at Dr. Knox's. What exactly were they arguing about? Who were those boys and why were the in the middle of so much trouble and bloodshed. She wasn't going to ask just yet, she already went too far asking about the war, and deep down she felt like the answers would present themselves when Ed and Al reappeared again.

"Let me know if you hear anything." Roy said and watched Fuery deflate as he realized he was being dismissed.

"Yes, Colonel. " Fuery put a bag down on the console table. "Some clothes from your work locker, Lieutenant. Have a nice night."

Riza looked up as he let himself out and glanced over at Roy. "Maybe I wanted to interview him."

"Then maybe you shouldn't tease me with the promise of dinner, walking the dog and late night alchemy discussions." He said and walked over to a jar on the end table and pulled out a dog biscuit. He tossed the cookie to the dog and went over to start reheating dinner.

Hayate munched on his treat and wagged his tail, then returned to her side. "I don't recall any mention of you walking him. Maybe I want some alone time with this guy."

Roy smirked. "I'll tell you the story of how you captured a serial killer while walking your dog one night, that is if you let me come with you on your walk."

"I did what?" She asked and he nodded.

"Bastard fell in love with you for shooting him too." He turned on the stove and winked at her. "The real reason I don't want you going out and walking your dog without me."

"Serial killers or competition?" She asked.

He only replied with a grin and watched a unguarded smile form on her lips right before she tried to hide it by sitting down with her dog. He watched her pick up the alchemy book again, the temptation was too great for her to resist. "What do you want to know about alchemy?"

"Alchemy really isn't the predecessor to chemistry, it's more...magic." She said, summarizing the first chapters of the book she managed to devour before her shower.

Roy chuckled. "Why are you having such a hard time accepting that alchemy is science?"

"I understand the chemistry. I understand the physics." Riza said and slammed the book shut. "However it's the conjuring of energy with your mind to deconstruct and reconstruct matter using circles that you drew that isn't acceptable. Man does not have this power, because if he did then he wouldn't do anything himself. Why, if this power is available to everyone, do they do anything with manual labor? Or why not just  _make_  money?"

"Making gold is forbidden." Roy said and saw her look of exasperation. That familiar look made him smile more.

"I'm talking about paper money. Coins. Currency."

"It would still take a lot of resources to sit around and make coins." Roy quickly heated up the meal over the high heat and returned it to the plates. He walked over with them in hand and sat down with her on the couch and thought about it. "Honestly you'd probably spend more money on making it than the money is worth. The government actually is taking a loss on minting coinage."

"What about the paper money? Do you have honest people in this country would would never dare counterfeit anything?"

"Well no...but it takes a level of incredible skill to put the details like that on paper. " Roy explained. "There is still refinement in a hand made product that you can't really achieve in an alchemicly made one unless you're highly practiced or just incredibly talented."

"So you're telling me that you're just specialized in your field and that you're content to use Flame Alchemy on occasion. For all your hard work and studying you sit in an office and never use alchemy for anything illegal." She said and watched him smile as she raised her voice and got frustrated.

"Well I can do other things if I draw a circle. The arrays on my gloves only allow me to manipulate oxygen." He said with a smile.

"So that smile tells me you have done some other things."

He grinned. "Riza, I've used alchemy in a lot of instances. It takes more work for me to research what something is composed of, calculate what chemical reactions I will need and draw an array to achieve that. It's also taxing to use alchemy, mentally and physically. It would be a lot more work for me to do most mundane daily activities with alchemy than to just do the task myself."

"Why are you grinning at me!" She asked.

"You're adorable. I just can't help it."

"Roy! I thought you were going to explain this to me!"

"I'm trying but you keep yelling at me for not being lazier." He smiled as he took the alchemy book from her.

"Sorry." She grabbed the book back and sighed. "It just doesn't make sense to me."

"I'll talk you through the process." Roy looked around for something he could easily transmute. "It's not magic, it's just energy."

"With your mind." She said as he got up to go to the kitchen.

"Riza, I can't believe we are having this conversation." Roy shook his head.

"Why?"

"Because you helped me study. You helped me understand your father's crazy ways of explaining things and I am the alchemist I am today because of you." Roy returned with the sugar jar and dumped it on the coffee table. "I never thought I'd have the chance to return the favor."

"Can we start with something I know?" She said as he made a mess and then looked up at her with a pout. Hayate sat down next to him and wagged his tail. "And please tell me you don't let the dog clean the table."

Roy looked at Hayate who stared back at him with eager black eyes waiting for him to give him the order to clean off the table. He opted to ignore that question and instead focused on the first one. "So something you know? You're going to have to tell me what that is because the whole focus here has been on everything you don't know."

"Gunpowder." She said and his eyes lit up. Why did that make him happy?

"Of course, guns." He said and stood up to go get her sidearm that had been thrown from her hand when she was injured. "It's second nature for you to handle your gun, I should have thought about that earlier."

She watched him go to the bag he brought home from the hospital and remove a pistol from it. He ejected the magazine and pushed a bullet from it with his thumb while he walked over to the couch and handed her the pistol. The gun was similar to an FN Model 1910 but had an open trigger guard and she was curious to see if that was where the variations ended. Personally she preferred the Colt 1911, but if she was military than this was more than likely standard issue. "Can I disassemble it?"

"It's your firearm." Roy said as he doodled a quick transmutation circle to change the bullet's form so he could get it to release from the casing. He needed the gunpowder and he didn't own a bullet puller.

Riza made sure there was nothing chambered and then started the process. She checked the muzzle and saw that it indeed had the barrel bushing, she she twisted it to release the spring. Then she moved the slide to the rear, pressed the safety in, rotated the barrel and disengaged the safety and removed the slide. It allowed her to see the make up of the gun without having to further break it down. "So who designed it?"

"The gun?" Roy asked and saw that same look in her eye like when she had asked about the radio. Not like she was casually asking a question or testing him, there was something else. "The military."

"The design though." She said and looked for patent information engraved in it or anything other than a crest with a dragon stamped in it, the same crest on the shirt she was wearing. Amestris Arsenal was the only indicator of who made it. "Does John Moses Browning sound familiar?"

"No...I'm sorry." He replied. "However I never really dove into guns and their history like you did. I can use and clean them, never really concentrated on the history."

"Is there another model that I own?" She asked.

"You have a snub-nose Enfield I bought you when we were young. I was pretty excited to give it to you because I wanted you to have something to protect yourself. You...would have preferred to have a rifle since hunting was a little more important then." He said. "I'm sure you have others now. Your rifle is at work."

Enfield and FN firearms. So was this a European country, this Amestris? "I fired this recently."

He placed the almost empty magazine on the table in front of her. "You shot all but two rounds off before you were injured."

She nodded. That was frightening not recalling having fired on someone. She put the gun back together and held it up to get a feel for it. It felt right in her hands, despite her knowing that it wasn't the same gun she was used to. She set the gun down and looked at him as he gave her that worried look again. She'd think about it all later when he wasn't there to study her. "What are you drawing?"

"I need to change the bullet shape in order to get it out of the casing. So I'm drawing a circle to be able to manipulate it."

"So you're going to change it's shape with what?" She said and waited for him to look at her. " _Your mind?_ "

He grinned. "I just need to shift some matter around, I'm not changing it's state from solid to anything else." Roy shrugged. "It's pretty basic alchemy. The bullet is a lead alloy and I know what the composition is because I had to deal with an environmental concern back in East City when the Arsenal was tainting the water supply. Tin, Antimony and Lead are what make up the alloy and the lead is at the minimum 90% of the composition. I made note of it because I never know when I might be in need of any of those elements for a transmutation and something I'll always have on me is bullets."

"Where are you getting the energy to reform this?" She asked. "That is what I don't understand, your ability to magically pull the energy required for this reaction out of thin air."

"Actually it's the opposite of  _thin_  air." He said with a grin and she leaned over to see his circle. "You need to suspend your disbelief and just watch."

"So you are concentrating on lead since the other elements are minimal." She said and glanced up at him. "However that doesn't answer my question because you still need to break the bond of the alloy in order to release the lead molecules for redistribution. An alloy isn't just a mash of elements, they have been chemically bonded and created something new altogether. How are you going to break the bonds?"

He smiled at her and clapped his hands, then placed them on the table where his bullet rested in the circle. Her questions were silenced as a glow emitted from the reaction and then faded once it was complete. He pulled the bullet from the casing as if it wasn't ever seated in it. "Compression produces heat. Compression of  _oxygen_  produces heat."

She picked up the bullet and examined it. He only had to move a fraction of material to get the bullet out. "And you're an expert in Oxygen."

"Yes." He said and dumped the grains of gunpowder onto the paper. "Can I ask you a question now?"

She looked at him and his soft eyes locked onto her own. So he wanted answers too. "Sure."

"Why is it important for you to know who made things? Why are you fact checking?" He asked and watched her eyes shift back to the bullet. She  _was_  hiding something.

"I'm processing all this." She said and put the bullet down to pick up her gun. "Things are just a little different than I remember and it's disorienting."

"So you do remember some things." He said and leaned back against the couch. "Just not  _me_."

She heard the hurt in his voice and felt compelled to chase it off. "I don't remember the important things. I remember facts that clearly aren't facts. I feel like a writer who can't distinguish the world they concocted for their novel from the reality around them. However I don't have any reason to be that invested in some fantasy world. I honestly don't seem to have much there."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you." He said and readjusted to begin to work on his demonstration with the gunpowder.

"You have every right to ask." She said and returned to gazing into his apologetic eyes. "Telling me what I should know is helpful but making me search for answers helps too. My mind says one thing but my body feels another. I'm conflicted. I want to enjoy being here on the couch with my boyfriend boss and my dog that you clearly spoil...enjoy learning about this fascinating science..."

"But?" He could feel that lingering on the tip of her tongue. As it always did. This wasn't the first time she had said this to him.

"I can't just accept this. As warm and wonderful as this promise of this life is...it's too good to be true."

Roy blinked. Well that wasn't how this conversation went before. "What? Riza, we're both a mess and have been for almost half our lives. Even what we have here in fleeting moments is just a brief moment to stave off the misery. We're stuck. Unable to go forward because we can't be together and work together and we both rationalize that working together is more important. Our past, the people we have killed, haunt us and there are days we fantasize about finally being held accountable for our actions and shot for it. Too many people have died along the way for us to feel worthy of a happy ending...but I want you to be happy Riza more than anything."

"This  _is_  something special, Roy." She said and gave him a sweet smile. "It may not seem like it to you, but from the outside looking in this is incredible. You are a really amazing man and your devotion is just incredible. I see it because I'm an outsider. Havoc clearly saw it too from what I gathered. Actually a lot of what he said makes sense now."

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I question it all so much. My decisions have impacted everyone I love and have to ask if I'm really the man who can lead this country when I doubt myself so much. I want to sacrifice myself to this cause, that was how it was supposed to be from the beginning, but somehow everyone else gets sacrificed. Truth knows that the one I value the least, is myself."


	7. Revelations

 

 

_Second Chance_

Chapter 7

**Revelations**

* * *

There was something in his words that wasn't just depressing, but foreboding. It hung over them as they tried to read each other's faces, trying desperately to find out what secret the other wouldn't reveal. Riza felt guilty that he was sharing so much and the only thing she was holding back was that she did have memories, but no good would come of sharing that now. He, however, was keeping something from her and it kept appearing like a wrinkle she couldn't smooth out of a poster. Something that would catch her eye in just the right light to tell her that the image was marred, just not enough to see it head on. Considering how much he told her, and the vulnerability of it all, she was actually scared to find out what he didn't want to say.

"Did you want me to explain alchemy with the gunpowder?" He asked, uncomfortable with the silence and worried that maybe he said the wrong thing. Or maybe it was the right thing, perhaps he really did want to confess to her his most recent sin.

Riza broke eye contact to glance down at the table, but her eye caught something else. "Your shirt has blood on it."

Roy looked down and sure enough his wound had weeped into the white fabric. "I guess I should take care of that. I wanted to let it dry off after my shower."

Riza nodded and he got up to go to the bathroom and doctor himself. She heard the door close and Hayate came over and jumped up on the couch beside her, clearly seeing she was in need of comfort. There were so many questions in her head and it was growing more and more difficult to want answers when the truth could rob her of this temporary peace she found here. Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard something fall in the bathroom and wondered why he was dropping so much. She didn't know the extent of his injuries and felt bad that he was catering to her. "Did you need help?"

"With a bandage? I just manipulated matter with my mind..."

She heard something fall again and a slew of curses and decided to get up and lightly knock on the bathroom door to emphasize that she was concerned. "Please let me help you."

He reached out and opened the door. Immediately her eyes went to his red, tender burn wound and he offered her an explanation. "I was stabbed and had to burn it closed."

She remembered Havoc's words and suddenly everything fell into place. She wanted to hear it from him though. He held out a tube of burn cream and she took it, squeezed some on her fingers and leaned over to gently slather it over his wound. She couldn't believe this man and she couldn't believe herself around him. Without even the slightest hesitation she was applying medicine to his side and she didn't feel like a stranger to it. "Tell me what happened."

He sucked in a deep breath as she applied some cold ointment. "I lead us into the basement of a government lab, got Havoc crippled and almost got you killed."

Riza stood and wiped her hand off on the towel before replacing the cap. She placed a piece of gauze over the wound and he held it in place as she wrapped a bandage around his torso. He pulled a piece of tape off the counter for her and she taped it off. Next she reached down and took his hand and checked to see if that wound needed attention as well. He had it bandaged at one point. "And this one on your hand?"

"Havoc was skewered, then I was. Lust shredded my gloves and left me to bleed out, so I carved my transmutation circle into my hand and used Havoc's lighter to burn our puncture wounds closed." Roy answered. "It's still swollen and I keep dropping things because of it."

"You saved everyone's life from what I can tell." She said and looked into his eyes again and saw that look that made her breath catch in her throat.

"I didn't have time to waste. She was going after you." He said. "I really didn't care what happened to me."

"Well I'm fine now, so can you promise me you'll take better care of yourself." She watched him start to button his shirt and a cute smile appeared on his face. How in the world did this other version of her work with him without distraction? "You should really be the one sleeping in the bed tonight."

"Not going to happen." He said. "Don't worry, I sleep on the couch most of the time anyway."

Riza jumped a little when she heard a loud banging on the door to the apartment and looked to Roy who seemed to know who it was by just the knock. "Who..."

"Fullmetal." Roy grumbled and finished buttoning his shirt. He saw her confusion and clarified, "Edward."

"Who is Ed, exactly?" She asked, not too sure how the teenager fit in to the Colonel's life. They seemed close enough to exchange heated words, yet still combative enough to make her wonder about the relationship.

"My subordinate. He's a state alchemist, like me." Roy answered and ground his teeth as Ed switched to banging on the door with his metal hand. He opted to just quell all her questions before Ed just let himself in using alchemy. "Youngest one ever, I helped get him certified when he was 12. Yes, he's just a kid, but he did human transmutation to bring back his Mom. Failed. Almost lost his brother too, bonded him to a suit of armor. Lost limbs doing it. We went to their house not long after. If the military found out...well I saw how they used their alchemists in Ishval and I didn't want to find out what would happen to those two kids. So I offered to help him get in to take the exam, use government resources to find a way to get their bodies back. Since then, he's been under my command and traveling the country..."

Riza watched Roy stop and shoot an annoyed glare towards the entryway as the pounding got louder.

"Destroying my budget." Roy simplified it and gave her a smile. "Let me see what he wants before he breaks something. I'll get rid of him, I'm sure you're sick of visitors by now."

Riza followed him out of the bathroom and noticed Hayate was already by the door wagging his tail. She leaned against the wall that divided the foyer from the living room and waited to see if maybe this interaction would shed some light on the conversation in the doctor's house. Ed seemed to have no fear of Roy and also believed that Roy had done something out of line. That was all she understood at the time, she wished she could recall more of the conversation now that she had a chance to read about alchemy, but it was all hazy. She couldn't be too upset with herself for not remember the conversation she overheard, she was struggling with everything after her accident. Her eyebrows raised as the door flew open as soon as Roy unlocked it and turned the knob.

Ed burst into Mustang's apartment, not bothering to even look the man who he so casually shoved out of the way with the entry door. He was determined to not let anything stop him from getting answers, he was wise to the Colonel's ways of talking his way out of things and he wasn't going to be baited or ignored any longer. He couldn't get the image of that transmutation circle written in blood off his mind. He saw Hawkeye's surprise and curiosity, and took it as a sign that she hadn't regained her memories. "Alright Colonel, it's time you answered my damned question."

Roy made a exaggerated gesture and mumbled with extreme sarcasm, "Please, Fullmetal, come in."

Al scooted in before Mustang could close the door and gave Hawkeye a wave hoping she would look at him with warm recognition. Instead she gave a polite smile. He desperately hoped that Ed was wrong, that he only saw what he thought was familiar and was jumping to conclusions.

"What did you do?" Ed whipped around and held his head high. "How far did you go to save the Lieutenant this time?"

Riza watched Roy's eyes narrow as he slammed the door shut and refused to break his stare with the teenager. Perhaps now she would really find out the answers she was seeking, even though she almost wished they would remain a mystery. Things had grown comfortable fast and she was more scared of losing that than not knowing who she really was.

"I told you..." Roy began and Ed rushed him and pointed an accusatory finger in his face.

"You told me _nothing._ " Ed hissed. "You did it, didn't you? You performed human transmutation. I talked to Knox when we checked on Lan Fan. I showed him a sketch of what I thought you put on that shirt and...you son of a bitch you knew better!"

The room was silent as all eyes, including Black Hayate's, turned to look at Roy. He finally blinked and let his eyes shift to Riza who was looking at him with curiosity, desperately wanting to know the truth as well. Ed wasn't going to leave without carving a path of destruction in his wake, this time it was going to be the fragile connection he managed to regain with Riza. He wanted the kid gone, he wanted to throw him out and just maintain this peace he had found for one damned day...but eventually he would need to deal with the ramifications of his actions. Eventually Riza would ask and he didn't have all the answers. "Not quite...but close enough."

"God DAMMIT Mustang! You knew the cost, you knew better! You're supposed to be better than this!" Ed balled his fist and thought about slugging him but saw a look that garnered sympathy and not anger. His next words tumbled from his own lips with the sound of defeat instead of fury, "You did human transmutation."

"I'm not better Ed. I am, and will continue to be, a man who makes bad decisions and the people I love will suffer in my stead." Roy said and looked down at those angry golden eyes and said, "You couldn't let your brother slip away, you offered to sacrifice everything for him. Well, I wasn't going to let her go either."

Ed grabbed him by the shirt and shook him as the admission made his heart ache. Mustang did the unthinkable. He knew the consequences and still did it. In the years they worked together, Ed questioned so many of the man's motives but until now he never understood his reasons so well. He understood because, as Mustang said, he did the exact same thing. Something wasn't right though, something was missing...or _not_  missing. What did he lose? What was his toll? Did he really pull it off? Did he somehow manage to do the unthinkable? Did Mustang find out what was missing in his calculations to bring back Mom? "You think that I shared my notes with you because I wanted you to have the knowledge..."

"Don't be so presumptuous, Fullmetal. Do you think I recognized what you did just by chance? Do you really think I walked into you family home and just hazarded a guess at what some stupid kids might have painted on their living room floor?" Roy continued to focus on Ed, he didn't want to steal a look at Riza on the off chance that she would be infuriated by his admission.

"You..." Ed stared at him, struggling to comprehend what he was admitting to; He had contemplated it before them, before Hughes. "You did the research before you met us? You recognized it because...you knew exactly what you were looking at."

"Ishval left me contemplating many things, among them using alchemy to undo the destruction caused by my own hands. " Roy saw the disappointment in the kid's face and gently pried Ed's had off his shirt. It was time to refocus the conversation on the present. The only people who could help him figure out what he really did were in this room right now. "I tried to re-bond Riza's soul to her body after we fixed what stopped her heart from beating."

"What price did you pay?" Ed asked. He had to know, despite everything that the act had cost him he had to know if it was possible to do it right. "What did Truth take from you?"

Roy swallowed hard, so the figure in the void wasn't a figment of his imagination. "I was expecting pain, a fiery hell...anything but some little smiling figure in a white room standing in front of a stone gate."

Riza's eyes grew wide. The white room. The Gate. He had been there too?

"You saw Truth." Al gasped. They never told anyone about that. It could only mean that Mustang did do the unthinkable. However Hawkeye was alive and Mustang was intact, so was he successful?

"The past few days I wondered if I really did see anything. Riza was safe and I rationalized that perhaps in the heat of the moment I might have had some delusions or perhaps blanked out from the combination of my injury and the stress of the transmutation performed." Roy said and the boys said nothing. Ed, for once, had nothing to say and that confirmed to him that he was truly in denial. Roy saw an understanding in Ed's eyes now, someone else who just couldn't let death win. "I did it, knowing there would be a price to pay. I was willing to offer  _anything_  to save her. My life, limbs,  _whatever_  it took. Instead Truth took what I wasn't going to give up because I didn't value my own life. He took Riza. He took the best part of me and let me live...so I could look at her every day and question myself."

Al looked over at Hawkeye who was just as perplexed as the rest of them. He had seen them in the underground labs, he had seen Hawkeye crumble in front of Lust when she thought she lost Mustang. He saw her tears and the loving look in their eyes when the Colonel lay on the ground injured but alive. There was no denying what they meant to each other.

"What do you mean, he took  _me_?" Riza finally found a reason to contribute and she saw his eyes lift to her.

"Truth laughed at me, and said the toll had to be paid with something of  _value_  and that was  _you_." Roy said. "But you came back to life in my arms. I still don't know at what cost. You have no memories, so did he take our life together to destroy your ties to me? That maybe, seeing me for what I really am without the knowledge of our past...that maybe you will have no reason to stay by my side? That maybe...you'd finally be as disgusted as you should be with me. Can I ever forgive myself for not knowing what I might have done to you? Can you forgive me? I don't know."

"Roy, I do have memories." She said and he just gave her a smile.

"I know." He said softly. "I know you. I know when you're holding something back. I knew before you started asking me about who invested the radio or your handgun. Initially I dismissed it as confusion when you told me about your research at Knox's house, I thought you were talking about the array, but I knew the conviction in your voice wasn't something that would come from a mere misread memory. I knew, I just ignored it. I would have given everything to get you back and at that time, I still wasn't going to listen to reason. I just didn't care. You died and that wasn't a sacrifice I was willing to make."

"What exactly  _did_  you do?" Ed asked Mustang again. The fact was this wasn't anything close to what he and Al had done and it scared him that Mustang didn't quite know what he did.

"My memories...are from 2015." Riza admitted and folded her arms to start pacing the small area between the couch and dining table. It was time to confess, time to ask for help in understanding the situation. "I work for my father's firearms company. He's a businessman, not a alchemist. We don't have alchemy, we have science. I am in charge of research and development, I am in charge of creating weapons and ammunition. I don't have a boss, boyfriend or dog. I have my job and that's it. I was on my way to a meeting with the military to show them our latest developments. It was raining, a dog ran out in front of my car and I swerved, hydroplaned and crashed. I was driving too fast, forgot to put my seat belt on because I was on the phone. I ended up through the window...I can remember laying there dying. I remember dying. I remember that white room. My last thoughts before I died were that I never lived...and my life was wasted. I went to that white room and heard you calling for me..."

"So I stole you from another world?" Roy asked. He felt a sense of dread, there was a possibility Truth really did take her and that Riza was gone. The one he got back was merely an occupant for the body he revived. He ruined two lives, not just one.

"An alternate universe?" Al asked his brother who was now marveling in the science and theories being discussed and no longer outraged by the taboo. "Is that possible?"

"Anything is possible." Ed said. "Truth isn't exclusive to us, it's could be a portal the entire universe has access to. The thing is...in an alternate reality the same time can be completely different. Man advances with technology at a different rate. Humans starts chronicling the cycle of years earlier. It can be two parallel time lines, but with different advances in science or alchemy."

"She must have already been beyond my reach, you passed through the gate after her and were with reach and I took you instead." Roy said. "I must have taken your soul...and put you back in the body we repaired."

"There was nobody to revive my body. Nobody to put her back into it..." She said and shuddered thinking about it. Living in a stolen body. Was that even a possibility she was willing to consider? "So your Riza..."

"Is gone." Roy choked out. He walked over to the couch and sank into it. Hayate jumped up beside him and laid his head on his lap in an attempt to comfort him.

Al spoke up, "You don't know that. You just said you don't know what you did."

"I know a soul needs a vessel and this one is occupied." Roy said and could see how the news unsettled her, he could see her struggling with it. Was this the real cost? Losing his Riza and then watching the one he stole fade too when this Riza rejected her body because she knew it wasn't hers? What the hell did he do? "I pulled you back from the gate, I bonded you to the body."

Al could see his brother struggling to work through these theories, struggling to step forward and propose a more definitive option. Neither one of them wanted to see Mustang and Hawkeye like this. If there was something he was an expert in, it was being in a body that wasn't his. "When we did human transmutation, the gate opened and pulled me apart. I paid with my body...though since then I've come to realize I paid with more than that. It didn't put me in this suit of armor, Ed did, so it stands to reason I give up my life to bring back Mom. So...I think it's very possible that Truth will take a life if that is what it wants."

Riza caught her breath when Al lifted up the helmet on his body and showed her it was empty, except for a roughly drawn circle on the neck. A transmutation circle binding him to the suit. Was that what she was? A soul bound to a vessel? Her own body dead and rotting somewhere?

"I remember..." Al said softly. "Having nothing but the memories of comfort and warmth to help me still the panic when I was put in this body. I was so scared, but brother was lying there bleeding and nothing made any sense. I knew that safety and help was going to be at the Rockbells. I felt that relief as soon as I was in their house, even though I could not feel anything physically. When Barry told me that bodies can reject souls and made me question if I was even real, I thought back to that day when I could feel the fear of losing my brother. That feeling made me human, that knowledge that Granny could save him made me feel hope. Emotions, we can write them off as chemicals in our body, but I don't have a body. So, it stands to reason that my soul creates these emotions. I know what it's like questioning your existence, questioning your memories and going on day to day waiting to find out if you'll ever be whole again. I don't know the answers and I don't know if there are any answers, but until I find out I'm going to do the best I can with this life I have."

Riza couldn't just let Roy sit next to her feeling like he killed the woman he loved in some odd bargain with a mysterious being. She couldn't stand to see him so defeated. "Roy, Truth didn't give you a real answer did it? You don't know exactly what happened? This Truth is an enigma, like God. You can't possibly know..."

"I think that is the price. I am more debilitated by my own conscience and mind than any loss of limb could ever be. " He answered. "Not knowing, not being able to answer the question 'what did I do' will drive me mad as an alchemist. Knowing there is a possibility that I killed you will destroy me as a man. I paid with  _Riza_. I offered my life and he took it; Riza Hawkeye is very much a part of who I am and who I want to be a better man for. Without her I would be empty and truly missing my purpose for living anymore, a vessel without a soul. Taking her completely would be too easy, I...wouldn't have lasted long without her. I'll live my life with half a heart, but it's still going to beat and carry me forward with the pain and guilt I already shoulder plus something heavier."

"This is conjecture, Roy. There are so many theories and nothing to prove any of them." She said. "In the world I know there are some religions that believe in reincarnation. Some that believe the soul is bound to a body until enlightenment is reached. Some have a soul moving on to a spirit world. Physics tells me that if there was a soul there would be some interference with atoms, that somewhere we would see the presence of this force that is so great it powers a complicated human being. The only answer is that mankind does not have answers."

"What do you believe?" Roy asked.

"I believe I died." She said and looked down at her dog who was staring up at her concerned as Roy continued to pet him. "I believe in science. I believe that what I am experiencing is real, even if it's unbelievable. I was in that white room and I heard you, Roy. I heard you and despite being terrified of going into that dark unknown I couldn't ignore you. I was drawn to your voice, someone I never heard, and despite what peace that white void seemed to offer...I wanted you more. So tell me, if I have never known you how I could feel compelled to do that? How a complete stranger makes me feel so comfortable in his home, telling me about memories we have shared and showing me something so unfathomable as alchemy...how am I more comfortable here than in that white room? I don't know you, but I feel like I've known you forever. That does not make any sense to me, I am not a woman who grows emotionally attached to people because I was raised to believe emotions were weak. You make me feel things I have never felt, but I am not scared at all because I feel like I belong here with you."

"I love you." Roy said. "It's been so hard to get my head around this because you are still Riza, you might not have the memories but your mannerisms and reactions are the same. When I got you back, when you came back to life in my arms I thought maybe my price for that transmutation was your memories and our life together. Having you by my side, supporting me and holding me up, has kept me afloat this long I thought maybe you'd forgotten who I was. Maybe you would find out what a monster I really am...that maybe the cost of saving you was to have you judge me like I deserved. I accepted that. I honestly...I didn't know what deal I made with that little bastard because I didn't care. I just wanted you alive, at any cost."

"What exactly did you do?" Ed asked again, but it was more of a rhetorical question as he tried to fathom what cost Mustang paid. He was overwhelmed with processing all this. He had never really seen Mustang and Hawkeye in this light, even if Al did. It made him uncomfortable because he did relate to the man, he understood wanting to give up everything to save the ones he loved, but he also realized this was beyond just family. This wasn't his Mom or brother, this was the woman Mustang loved. It hurt because the man Tricia Elric loved wasn't the one trying to bring her back, it was her selfish sons who wanted her back in their lives even though it was so empty without Hohenheim. This was love, from a man he never expected to see it from. It made him question a lot. "The transmutation circle, it wasn't a creation of a human being...it wasn't a blood seal. It had elements of both but...I still don't know what you did."

"I had a body, I didn't need to make one. I didn't need to bond a soul to an unfamiliar object." Roy took a deep breath. "Marcoh's research, however, was always about removing a soul from a living being. I surmised years ago that the key to human transmutation was in reversing that process."

"Why the hell did you hide everything from us?" Ed snapped. "Why the hell couldn't you just tell us about the philosopher's stone in the beginning?"

"Because it wasn't the answer you were looking for and it still isn't." Roy countered. "Marcoh pulled souls out of their bodies and put them into a vessel, the philosopher's stone, for use. I wanted to take that soul and put it back in the vessel it belonged in after I fixed the body, and I did. I just didn't have the strength to do it, I need more power and that is where the human transmutation came in. Equivalent exchange, I would offer my life as the energy to rebind her soul."

"You did all this...while we were in the woods?" Al asked. It was complex and without preparation. Mustang managed to act on disconnected research and peace meal theories in a spur of the moment attempt to save Hawkeye's life. This went well beyond the incredulous act in the battle against Lust, his love for her was really more powerful than any philosopher's stone.

"Shit." Ed whispered as he realized exactly how much he had managed to underestimate Mustang in their years working together. The man downplayed his abilities and rightly so. If anyone knew Mustang's true capabilities, they would fear him to much to allow him to have any power. He played the part so well, Ed never saw it until his world almost crumbled. Hawkeye meant so much to him that he would toss aside a life of carefully crafted lies and defenses to be here unguarded now. This was the man who should rule Amestris, the real man behind that arrogant, egocentric asshole who only wanted more stars on his epaulets. This was the man who could fix things.

"Riza, I might have ripped you from a better life and left you stranded here." Roy finally said it out loud and waited for her judgement. Always the one who was entrusted with judging him, her words would be what told him if he had strayed from his course.

"I can remember that life and I can remember thinking I wasted it as I lay dying in the rain." She reached over and took his hand. "I have a second chance, something I don't deserve, and I have you to thank for that. We don't know what scenario caused this to happen. There are too many unknowns. You could have taken the wrong soul from that white void, you might have brought me back without my memories, this could be a past life or maybe I lived another life in the span of time you took to bring me back. We don't know. What I do know is that, despite everything I have lost, I still feel like I gained more by being here. If this is some self actualization, some peace I need in order to push forward to the next plane of existence or even vanish in puff of smoke...I can die happier. A lot happier than I was the first time I died."

Roy kissed her hand, then looked up at her and was surprised when she bent down and kissed him on the lips. It was a gentle kiss but not without a powerful spark that made his worries ebb. "You're not allowed to die. I'm giving you a direct order not to die."

Ed fidgetted as he heard his brother sigh. "So on that note, we have some other problems with someone we know running off and making bargains with unknown entities in order to save his girlfriend."

Roy sighed as he realized that Ed was eager to go back to normalcy and discuss work. He couldn't be upset with him, he really didn't want an audience anyhow. "What are you talking about?"

"Ling." Ed said. "I guess after Lan Fan's injury he got a little anxious to return home with the secrets to immortality, so he tracked Gluttony and ended up making some sort of deal with the homunculus."

"Lieutenant," Al said, hoping that would spark some recognition in Hawkeye. She looked at him and he continued. "Right now there is something more important than the answers about what a soul really is. There is something evil going on in our country and we need to stop it. So, Lieutenant we need you. I know it's awful moving forward without understanding everything, but you're not alone and that makes it easier. I have my brother and you have the Colonel and they clearly aren't going to let us fade away."

Riza blinked at him. These boys cared for her too, she saw it in how they bordered on outrage and relief when Roy admitted his actions. They wanted her back too. "I don't know who I am, I certainly can't be of help to anyone. I only know how to create guns and ammunition. I have no idea what your military protocol is. I don't know how to conduct myself in this era. I honestly would be a hindrance."

"Well you should try because we think we lost Ling to the enemy." Ed said crestfallen. "Lan Fan said that when he showed up again, after he left to chase after Gluttony, that he was changed. Said he goes by Greed now, which means that we might be getting outnumbered. There's a lot we don't know."

"It's about strategy, Fullmetal, not numbers." Roy said and the kid just looked at him, exhausted. They had lost so much and now another friend was possibly gone. Even the cocky little Ed's morale was taking a hit and even though the kid would never admit it, he wanted their Colonel to assume command again. "You're right, I think we need to focus on moving forward. When this danger has passed we can sit around and debate on the meaning of life all we want, but right now we are waging war against an unknown enemy. The future of the country is at stake. So I need to follow up on the lead we have on Bradley and see if I can confirm that he is not what he seems. If you two are willing to stay in town a few days, I hope you can help the Lieutenant with some basic knowledge to help her feel a little more comfortable here. Riza, I think it best if we plan on allowing the doctor to discharge you due to your memory loss..."

"No." She said firmly and all three of them looked at her. "You said I was your bodyguard and secretary. If there is something I understand completely it is how to hit my target and also how to find my way through bureaucratic red tape. Everyone can coach me on what I need to know and I will return to work. I am here, this is my life, and I have a job to do. I'm just used to being in charge, so that might take a little getting used to."

"He's used to it." Ed smirked.

"Good to have you back, Lieutenant." Al smiled and nudged his brother to the door. "We will check back with you in the morning."

Roy watched them let themselves out and looked up at her, wanting to make sure she wasn't planning on following them. She reached down and ran her hand through his hair like she always used to and he knew that his Riza wasn't lost to him. He felt a great weight lifted from him and gave her an affectionate smile. "I think you should know that, on my staff, all female officers are required to wear mini-skirts."

Riza felt a wave of relief as he made a casual joke to chase off the tension of the discussion they just had. She bent down and ran her hand over his cheek, he leaned into her touch and looked up at her with adoration as she pinched his chin between her fingers. "Roy Mustang, there isn't a plane of existence anywhere where I would ever wear a tiny mini-skirt."

He watched her smile as she leaned closer to his lips and hesitated, clearly wanting to feel that spark again when they kissed. He reached up and pushed her long hair from her face and leaned forward to kiss her again. His heart quickened as she sucked in an excited breath as soon as their lips met. When she pulled back he let her blond hair run between his fingers and fall from his grasp. "Do you...remember?"

"No, but I know you're not anything I would want to forget." She said and bit her lip. She wanted this future with him and if Al was right, emotion wasn't weakness it was what made them human. It was their soul, their life force, and she didn't want to make the mistakes she made in the last life. It was time to live. "I meant everything, I wasn't exaggerating when I told you how you make me feel. I don't know if I will every regain our past but that shouldn't stop us from moving forward. So let's go to bed, I start a new job tomorrow morning and I think we both need a good night's sleep."

* * *

AN: Sorry the final chapter took so long! I debated on the direction I wanted to go with this and decided to leave it an unknown as to what exactly Roy did. Not every secret in the universe should be discovered. :)

Reviews are very much appreciated as I'm a rather analytical person who determines what to focus on based on feedback. At this point I'm considering moving away from writing RoyAi and just writing General FMA fic instead since that seems to get the most reviews. So feedback is appreciated as I contemplate supply/demand and which direction I should go in.

As always, thank you for reading.


	8. Epilogue

AN: This one has been bothering me so here is the actual final chapter even though I though it was complete.

* * *

Second Chance

**Epilogue**

* * *

Riza finished the last of her work for the day and placed it in the envelope destined for an office downstairs. She gathered a few more important documents and folders and scooped them into her arms as she stood up and pushed her chair in before walking over to the main office door. She was eager to be done with the day and leave the Fuhrer's office behind her.

She was relieved when she had been reassigned as Bradley's assistant in the wake of Roy's less than subtle attempt to out him as a homunculus. It gave her an opportunity to start a new job with people who didn't know her as well and distance herself from the man she was none too slowly falling in love with. Bradley seemed suspicious at first but also satisfied when he discovered her amnesia remained, his intentions were to keep her a hostage and keep Mustang in line, not have to worry about her own agenda. It wasn't the best situation, but it was working out well.

She heard the acknowledgment to come in and entered the office. Bradley was standing by his window looking out over the courtyard, hands locked behind him and contemplating something. She walked over to his desk. "The last of the documents for the week, sir."

"Do you have plans for the weekend, Lieutenant?" Bradley asked as she set the folders on his desk and he turned his head to look at her.

Riza saw that sharp eye lock onto her as he prepared to gauge her answer for the truth. She knew he was asking multiple questions here and she knew she might have been too quick to finish her work today. "Yes sir. I can cancel if you need me to work overtime, my dog will understand."

Bradley searched her face and then looked down at the paperwork she had neatly organized and delivered for his signature. "No, I will be taking Mrs. Bradley out to dinner and a movie."

"I'm sure she will enjoy that very much, sir." She said and watched him look to a picture on his desk of his wife and son.

Bradley turned and moved closer, wearing a smile and allowing his body to be the menacing presence instead. Hawkeye simply stood up straight and waited. "I believe I heard Selim say the Elrics are in town again. He's quite enthralled with alchemy and admires Fullmetal for accomplishing certification so young. He tends to follow their adventures quite closely."

It was a reminder that they were all under close scrutiny, and a test to see if she would be flustered by that fact. He was good. "I am meeting Alphonse for dinner, my dog loves to play with him. I like to check up with the boys, it's hard when one doesn't eat. I enjoy their company and they are trying very hard to help me remember my past."

Bradley nodded and gave her a smile. They both knew it wasn't that innocent. "Enjoy your weekend, Lieutenant."

"You too sir." She smiled and turned to leave, anxious to keep her date.

* * *

Riza prepared to sit down at the table with Al and felt awkward not offering him something to eat, so she picked up her dog and set him on his lap. Hayate wagged his tail and Al immediately took to petting him. She had grown close to Alphonse and he was the only one she could be unguarded with in regards to her predicament. Discussions with Roy were becoming difficult as she could see him scrutinizing their conversations too much, looking for answers and worrying about the ones he saw. She wanted to protect him. "I think Roy knows."

Al looked up at her and she toyed with the napkin next to her plate. He wanted to be consoling and supportive, but he didn't want to fill her with false hope either. "None of us really know anything for certain."

Al was so sweet, despite their discussions about alchemy and their lost selves somewhere inside the gate, he always wanted to make her feel better. "I'm still a very different person than the Riza Hawkeye that belongs here. I still have memories that don't fade of a world that doesn't exist."

"I think that the Colonel and my brother are firmly entrenched in denial and are clinging to the hope that alchemy...will be the answer." Al pet Hayate and the dog smiled up at him. "I have been on this journey to recover my body for a lot longer than you, I've seen Ed start to believe the things he said to keep my spirits up. It's that hope that keeps us moving forward to whatever end there may be for us. It's fragile and I can't take that away from him any more than he wants to take it from me. It's like holding something together that shattered, as soon as you let go you'll never put the pieces back in the same place."

She took a deep breath. "I can't lie to him but if I tell him the truth it's going to destroy him."

Al nodded. They both faced this dilemma, they had people that they loved who would be devastated if they learned their efforts did more harm than good. If Ed found out that there was no way to restore his body, that his existence now was questioning exactly what he was...he'd shatter. "Ed is focused on getting my body back. He is driven and that keeps his eyes forward. He needs that."

"Roy...has nothing to occupy him but his thoughts. His team has been taken away. You're all in danger. He's focused on the Promised Day but...he looks for answers. It's eating at him." She closed her eyes. She really didn't want to be unloading her problems onto the shoulders of a teenage boy, but he too had held in these thoughts for too long to protect someone he loved. Al understood it all and he was so happy to have someone else to talk to. This poor kid, he couldn't even sleep to shut down his brain. She had no idea how he did it. "Instead of taking away something physical, Truth took his stability. He can't look at me without questioning what he did."

"You said he knows..." Al wondered what happened.

"He found out I corrected a design flaw in a weapon that crossed the Fuhrer's desk for approval. I was proud of it, we talked about our day and I explained how I knew it would be an issue. It was very similar to a weapon that was plagued with problems and..."

"We don't have that weapon here." Al said simply.

"No." She shook her head. "I've been so careful but I really needed to feel confident in who I am. I didn't realize it would give him further proof that I really might not be from here. That's not all though, apparently the Amestrian Riza never showed any ability for alchemy."

"He understands you saw the gate though." Al said. Mustang seemed to be thrilled that Hawkeye was learning alchemy and he and Ed were enjoying teaching her. What changed? "We told him that the knowledge was right there in front of your eyes."

She didn't want to tell him about the tattoo, that would be too much. However she had started drawing it out in an attempt to work on understanding this burden that had scarred her body and life. She thought that, maybe, in unlocking this secret on her back that it would be the key to the life here she wished she would remember. She was wrong. Roy saw her notes and the look on his face was enough to tell her that she had crossed a line that _his_ Riza would never cross. "He's getting withdrawn. Havoc says it was bad when Hughes died but not like this. He knows that...human transmutation doesn't work. So, I hope that her soul is waiting inside the gate beside the body you want to be reunited with.."

Al stopped petting Hayate and looked up at her. "That's not the same. When I leave this body, it just goes back to being an inanimate object. When you leave that one...you don't have somewhere to go."

"Like you said, we don't know. Maybe Amestris Riza is in my body, in my world." She watched Hayate jump off Al's lap and come over and jump in hers, the dog knew she was getting upset. "What I see now is that my being here isn't something as simple as another chance at life. The ripples of my presence are throwing off the people in this world that need to be focused on saving it. Roy needs to focus on the Promised Day and fixing this country. In saving my life, I might just be endangering everyone elses."

"It could be that we're postponing the inevitable but I know that they would have never made it this far without us." Al said. "Ed wouldn't have the drive to make things right again. Mustang...he's lost so much. We still have a huge part to play in this."

"Maybe learning alchemy was the step too far, it's how this all began...it's so much more than just manipulating matter. It's manipulated your lives, it's woven into every fiber of your being and to begin tugging at those threads is just asking for them to unravel. I just wanted to help." She said. Maybe it was more than that. Maybe she just wanted to feel that power and that was what scared Roy the most. That was was made her decision final, she had to fix things for him because this was tearing him apart.

"We'll find out." Al said softly. "The Promised Day is coming."

* * *

It was the Promised Day. The day..promised to her. The day she died.

The feeling of her blood pumping out of her was all too familiar. Riza laid on the floor as she fought her own body in an attempt to not black out and recalled every second of her accident down to the breaths she took. The accident that took her life and gave her this one. She held her hand to her neck as each pump of her heart drove another spurt of blood onto the ground. The memories became less vivid as she heard his voice, Roy's panicked and strained voice screaming for her.

Again.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, the man she had shared but a few months with but had fallen in love with. A few months and more passions and emotion than any relationship she had had in her entire life. However he wasn't hers, that was painfully evident now more than ever. As her blood spilled on the transmutation circle drawn on the ground, she knew what had to be done. She loved him and she would give him back what he loved the most, sacrificing herself in the process.

Was that what love was? This willing sacrifice to save someone? He struggled helplessly against the men holding him as the doctor above her kept talking, teasing and insisting that he be the final sacrifice. That they needed someone else to do human transmutation and he was going to have to hurry up and do it before time ran out. He must have seen her smile because he suddenly stopped fighting and looked at her horrified. She pulled her hand from her neck and placed it on the ground along with the other one.

Roy Mustang had sacrificed enough and so did his Riza. He offered himself the last time she was dying in his arms and Truth found a way to twist that around and hurt him more than a mere loss. She was going to kick in that damned gate and give him his life back because she loved him. Giving him up would be harder than surrendering her own life to death. All the studying they had done to try to figure out what he had performed that night to save her, comparing it to Ed and Al's memories of their failed attempt to bring back their Mom and using the knowledge from the white void was going to come down to this moment. Human Transmutation. She would be the final sacrifice.

This was her first time trying anything of this magnitude. She was already feeling the effects of the blood loss and Roy's renewed struggle and panic didn't help matters any. She could feel the energy beneath her and heard the doctor gasp in surprise, scared by the light swirling around his feet caused by the woman who shouldn't have this power. She took one last look at the man who had shown her what it was like to live and then pushed herself back out of the body that wasn't hers to have.

The blue glow of alchemy intensified until it was nothing but white. She heard him scream for her, and then silence.

The fear she had when entering that white room the first time was gone and she stepped further away from the door she had come through. The being that the boys called Truth was nowhere to be seen. She turned around and looked back at the door, little black hands reaching out for her and beckoning her to return to life and pay the price for her actions. She turned away from them and then saw the little white figure with his glimmering teeth and smug grin. "Where is she?"

"Who?" Truth asked innocently.

"The _real_ Riza Hawkeye who belongs in that body?" She asked and took a step closer to it as she felt fingers begin to claw at her to drag her back through the portal.

"Real?" Truth chuckled. "Are you not _real_?"

"I am." She said as she thought about the discussions with Al, debating on what exactly _they_ were. A priceless soul. "And I'm going back to my own body. That is what I just performed, a human transmutation to return me to a dead body and a soul back to the one she belongs in. We can't bring people back from the dead, but I can return to death where I belong."

"You'd sacrifice your chance at this life you wish you had?" Truth asked. "Is that really what you choose?"

"Roy Mustang tried to sacrifice himself to save the woman he loved and you found a way to manipulate that into something more painful than the loss of her life. Now I am calling you out on it, because you too tried to cheat death. I'm putting things back in order. I'm ready to accept death now, I don't think even _you_ can fend him off."

"You're not dead, _yet_ ." Truth said and smirked. "Time elapses so much slower in the future than in the past. I believe some people call it a 'near death experience', watching 'your life flash in front of your eyes'. Not knowing if that reality is something you experienced or if your mind was just trying to ease your pain while you bled to death on the highway. What exactly _is_ Truth?"

"The truth is that if it is my life that is fading on that highway, then that is the truth I am accepting." She said. She had enough philosophy to last a lifetime and she wasn't going to be drawn into a debate with this thing. "Life isn't fair, there is no way to cheat. Not even _you_ can cheat."

"You'd give up your chance for happiness?" Truth asked. "You were happy."

"That life was a lie." She replied and stepped forward, pulling from the grasp of a few black hands that had gripped her arms. "Truth is that I am dying in my own world due to my own mistakes and that is what I will have to live with...or rather no longer live because of. "

"There is the door you seek." Truth pointed off to her right. "However, I still will require a toll from Mustang."

"Then there is the matter of equivalent exchange." She said, her confidence returning. Debating with people with god-complexes was what she did for a living. She was in her element. "You have a soul that belongs to that life and body in Amestris. An amazing soul that has touched so many lives and that is needed to save that world. I'm not stepping through that door until you complete this transmutation. Send her back. If you take something from him, there is no equivalency anymore. It will be unbalanced in your favor. I can't imagine imbalance is good in a place like this, somewhere between worlds. Send her back."

"Turn around then." Truth replied.

Riza turned to see the door with the hands emerging from the darkness, but the hands were wrapped around something invisible, something human shaped. She wouldn't have seen it except for the black background that highlighted the absence of hands. She saw them dragging her back into the door and the door start to close, then panicked and screamed, "You only have one life Riza Hawkeye! Don't waste it like I did! Live it! Live it to the fullest with him despite what you want to condemn yourself for! He deserves it! So do you!"

The door slammed shut and and she just stared at the gate and the etchings on it. _The tattoo._ She looked back at Truth, quiet and smiling. "I won't know if she makes it back?"

Truth shrugged. "You just wanted your life back, and there it is."

She turned to the door that creaked open. No hands were reaching for her. It was simply still and dark. The eerie calm before a storm. The absence of everything. It was most likely death.

"Like you said, the transmutation must be completed." Truth prodded.

She was scared but willing. The first few steps were easy, but the cool of the gate made her hesitate as she got closer. This was the end, this was death. Cold, empty and final.

And she took the last step though the gate knowing that she had done her best with the life she was given.

* * *

"She's conscious!"

Riza could feel the rain on her face as she heard a familiar voice.

"Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"

She let them flutter open, rain hit her open eyes and she quickly blinked away the water. Then she opened them again. She recognized him well before she looked at the name tag on his uniform. Jean Havoc.

"Damn, I thought we lost you." Havoc sat back on the wet pavement and pulled out a pack of cigarettes as Breda pushed away the equipment they used to restart her heart.

Breda let Havoc crawl off and light a cigarette and take a much needed break. First on the scene, off duty paramedic trying to save a life was well above the call of duty. It took the rest of the squad too damned long to get here and Havoc was performing CPR during that time. "Ma'am you've been in an accident. Can you hear me?"

"Yes." Riza whispered.

"Do you know your name?"

"Riza Hawkeye." She replied.

"Riza, we're getting you on a stretcher and taking you to the hospital." Breda stood up and waved Falman over. "Can you tell me what year it is?"

She groaned. It was the first test. "2015."

Breda continued to check her vitals. "Stay with me huh? We lost you once and we need you to hang in there until we can get you to the ER."

"What happened?" She asked. It was hard to stay awake, she felt like those little hands were grabbing at her, trying to lull her into a feeling of defeat and close her eyes. She forced them open again. Breda was happy with her answer, not worried. That was a start.

"You went off the road, totaled your car." Havoc said. He was exhausted and trembling as the adrenaline subsided.

She reached down and felt her chest. There was a man's shirt wrapped around her chest.

"No seat belt." Havoc mumbled. "You were thrown out the window and landed on some roadside debris. I don't know how you weren't killed on impact. Must have hit the brakes and slowed down before the collision, my bet is on that dog over there. Probably should eat the little shit..."

Riza looked over as Kain Fuery came into view, holding a puppy. The puppy looked soaked and terrified. It was Black Hayate. "Can you...take care of him until I get out of the hospital? Not his fault."

Breda helped life her onto the gurney. "You need relax, you're really badly injured and..."

"I'll take him, if he doesn't have a family." Riza reached out and grabbed Breda's arm. "Promise me you'll take care of him until I can take him."

Fuery picked up his medical kit and came to her side. "I promise. We'll bring him back to the station."

Breda shot the kid a glare and he put the pup inside his jacket to keep him safe and warm and out of sight. The kid should have been a vet. Now he was going to have to deal with a dog?

Riza closed her eyes as the paramedics pushed her to the ambulance and she looked at the white emergency vehicle and wondered if everything she had just experienced had been a figment of her imagination. She glanced at the back of the ambulance as they came around and wondered if these were those gates she has been so worried about passing through. She felt weak again and let unconsciousness take her again, thinking made her head hurt more.

One question bothered her more than any other: Where was Roy?

* * *

Berthold Hawkeye watched the last of the cleaning crew remove the bouquets and get well soon cards from Riza's office. There was no point in leaving them here, it would only continue to effect morale and do little to solve any problems. It wouldn't bring her back sooner, it didn't help her in any way and it didn't do much but remind others of their own mortality. It was a foolish tradition and a waste of money. He heard a knock on the office door and turned around to see a man his daughter's age standing there. Hair slicked back, suit clean and pressed and a posture that told him he was nervous despite being confident. "Yes?"

"Sir? I am here for an interview with Miss Hawkeye?"

"What position?" Berthold asked.

"Assistant."

"She was in a car accident." Berthold watched the man's eyes widen at the news. He looked like he was going to offer the same hollow, worthless condolences that everyone else did and he cut him off. "She won't be back to work for some time. Tell the secretary your name and she'll reschedule your appointment."

"Thank you."

"No need." Riza dodged the man in the doorway as he turned to leave and entered her office. It had taken a lot of effort to get out of the hospital, but after waking she had been so confused that she _needed_ to find her way back home. Home, sadly, was her office. She needed to know who she was, where she was and rationalize her experience before she went mad. She saw the look on her father's face, disapproval. It felt...right. She turned to the man waiting for his interview and suddenly any feelings of comfort and belonging were gone. He heart pounded and she stared at him. "Roy Mustang."

He was surprised she knew his name. Odd that she seemed to recognize him as well, but there was a background check mandatory with this position and he assumed she had seen his photo at some point. "Miss Hawkeye, if this is not a good time..."

"Reschedule." Berthold repeated to Mustang. He looked at his daughter, hunched over in pain from her injuries and knew she was in no condition to be here. "You will go back to the hospital."

"No." She snapped and both men looked at her surprised at how adamant she was. Her father locked eyes with her and she stood up taller. It hurt, but he actually seemed to yield to her non verbal challenge. "I need an assistant now more than ever."

"Very well." Berthold put his hands behind his back and walked to the door. He didn't know what to say or do. He was still rattled from seeing her in the hospital, machines and white coats everywhere. That smell. It brought back memories of her mother, and she looked so much like her. "See me when you are done."

Riza relaxed as soon as he left and closed the door behind him. She turned and saw that Roy was standing there waiting on her to instruct him on what she wanted out of him. What an interesting twist that he would be here to be her subordinate when she had been his in that...dream. So now it was up to her to make the hard choices, to prioritized her personal life or career. Last week it would have been an easy decision, but now she was looking at things so much differently. The problem was that she already had an appointment she had to keep. "I only have time for a brief interview, I have to pick up a puppy in an hour."

"Really?" Roy's professional demeanor vanished and was replaced with boy's glee at the mention of a puppy. "What breed?"

"He's a Shiba Inu." Riza had to smile at his reaction. Her fears seemed to ease away as she felt like this wasn't some cruel trick, that this really was a version of that man she had fallen for. Rationally she knew she had probably scanned his file and the name had been filed away in the back of her mind, but still...his personality and his expressions were not something she could have conjured up. "I think he's the one who caused my accident, the paramedic took him home from the crash site and nobody has stepped forward to claim him. I'm going to take him. Give him a home."

"That's...pretty amazing really." Roy said as he thought about it. "Most people would blame the dog, you're going to adopt him."

Riza had to walk over to her desk to hide the smile on her face as he complimented her. Then she had an idea. "If you're not opposed to an unconventional interview, we can take this out of the office after the preliminary discussion of my expectations and what the job entails. I honestly am not cleared to drive yet and don't feel up to it. That is, if you're OK with driving me to pick up a dog."

"I love dogs!" Roy wanted to slap himself. This was why he was unable to get a real job after left the military, despite what his mother said about 'adjusting to civilian life'. He was surprised when she seemed to smile at that. She was nothing like her reputation, it seemed Riza Hawkeye did have a kind heart.

She realized she had no paperwork to look at or a briefcase. She had no car or phone. The appointment book on her desk was full, but there were only two appointments she needed to keep: An interview and an adoption. Last week this would have scared her, her highly organized hectic life incomplete disarray, but she was much more adjusted to this chaos now. She wasn't going to simply latch on to this man just because of some experience she had while she lay dying, but she was going to give him a chance. She wouldn't have scheduled an interview with him if he was anything but the best candidate for the job, she didn't have time to waste on anything less. Still, she felt something and it made her feel alive. More alive than she ever felt while rushing around this office or working until she watched the sun rise through her window.

She wasn't going to waste this second chance and hoped that her Amestrian counterpart would do the same.

* * *

AN: This story was bothering me for a while, the way I left it didn't quite finish up the way I wanted it. A twist on amnesia trope as it's more of the 'girl falls back in time/into show' fanfic trope. It also is unsatisfying to leave an open ending like I did, although you can still wonder how things are going on the Amestris side. I went away from this initially because how it came out was just really sad.

Thanks for reading.


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